What Happens Next…

Last week I wrote about a terrible week. Interestingly, while it did not resonate with my proofer/editor (aka my mom), it did hit home for a number of other people. And that got me thinking. What did I write that spoke to them? And what did I write that didn’t sit well? One of the private responses I received was gratitude for sharing something that so many go through but are afraid or unwilling to discuss. I thought that was strange as I figured we all talk about the bad days to someone. But maybe not. This blog is me sharing how I approached the week following the bad week. [And just between us, the next week was pretty awful, too!] My steps forward are about me. Some of them worked well. Some of them did not. I don’t feel particularly resilient right now so maybe I made mistakes with the path I chose. Or maybe it doesn’t matter. I firmly believe the most important thing is putting one foot in front of the other and not giving up.

I used the word “resilient”. Resiliency refers to a person’s capacity to recover quickly from or outright withstand difficulties. It’s about having a personal toughness that allows you to keep standing and moving forward even through struggles. This is a well-used word these days. It’s a buzz word for a lot of organizations, especially as they have had three tough years of dealing with the pandemic within their ranks and within their industries. They need their employees to be resilient so that they continue to advance their business or provide services. In my context of a bad week, resiliency is what keeps me going. It is about getting out of bed each morning and facing the day, no matter how I feel about what’s on my calendar – work or a day off. It’s especially important to me right now because a year ago I struggled so much I needed time off. When I look back on that time, I don’t really remember it. That alone tells me I was in trouble. So here I am a year later talking about what I did after a bad week. First off, let me be clear. We all have bad moments in life. We all have those times that are uncomfortable or miserable. We have those moments when all we want to do is cry. And sometimes we cry and sometimes we force it down inside and we ignore it. Sometimes, we react poorly. A friend spoke about having a bad day and being rude because of it. She recognized that and acknowledged her behaviour and asked forgiveness. That, to me, is a sign of true strength. Being accountable for what you are going through and trying not to pass it on.

I mention this because I know I did some heavy leaning on friends this past week. I was far more than just devastated by my bad week. I was dragged down and didn’t see anything positive. The future was tainted by my experience, and I couldn’t see a way out of the muck. So, leaning on friends was something that I did. Unfortunately, I worry that by leaning, I’m putting too much pressure on someone else that doesn’t need it. I hope those friends know how much I care for them and that I am always in their corners and willing to hold them up when they are down. As deep down as I was, I recognize an important part of my life. Gratitude. First and foremost, I have so much gratitude for the people who hold me up, support me, bail me out when the going gets tough, and are overall just there for me. What’s beautiful to me is how many wonderful people are in the world. They aren’t just the people I know and appreciate. They are complete strangers. This morning I was having my pool filled for the season. As the water is going in, the guy mentions my pool hoses. The pool hoses that I had not attached! I was pretty stressed yesterday and completely lost my sense of logic, I guess. I had my pool pump ready to set up, but I didn’t attach anything. How I didn’t think that as the water rises, it’s going to go out of the hoses, I don’t know. Sigh…. But guess what happened? He turned off the water and he and his worker did it all for me. I was so apologetic, and he just shrugged and said, it happens. He laughed and was great about it. He didn’t make me feel like an idiot – I did that all on my own. He put me at ease and now my pool is full and running. Honestly, I could not have asked for a kinder gesture today. That is why being grateful is my first weapon against stress and bad days. I have so many examples in my life of kindness, caring, love, and support. One piece of nasty shouldn’t be able to cancel out all of the good.

The second thing I did was tried to find a new perspective. I tend to prefer the big picture and this time I considered all that was going on. How overwhelmed everyone seems to be these days. How hard it is to get time with people because calendars are so full. I know a lot of people who are double, and triple booked on a regular basis. How did that help me? Well, as much as I was beaten down, I tried to recognize that others were trying to keep the water from covering them completely. Everyone wants to be successful and sometimes the path to success is filled with barriers and struggles. If I’m able to have a little empathy for what others are going through, maybe my own problems won’t seem so big. Maybe then I can have a little compassion and forgive.

Next, I considered the last three years. They have not been happy years, if I’m being honest with myself. However, there have been some wonderful times in those years. I think, like the bad apple in the barrel, the bad has an ability to overtake the good far too easily. So, as I was contemplating three years’ worth of stress and unhappiness, I concentrated on all the great times. Last June my mom and I went out West to visit my son and daughter-in-law. That was, hands down, one of the best vacations I’ve ever had. It was relaxing and fun. Fun is a key word because I think I’ve been forgetting to do fun things for some time now. But how does fun help when you spend the majority of your time in an environment that doesn’t feel good at the moment? Well, I decided I would put a conscious effort into planning how to enjoy my time off. AND I’m actively working on doing things daily that are positive. Before you wonder what I mean by “daily”, let me explain how my days often looked over the winter. I would work 8-10 hours and then be worn down probably due to weather and work. I would do some of the house things that need doing – laundry, tidying, etc. I would make supper and I would read or watch tv. That’s fine, but it was draining me without me even realizing it. I need to be doing. So, instead of too much “quiet” time, I’m looking for activities that will feed that need. I started riding lessons over the winter and have started up again. That’s one night per week and it is so good for me. Now that we have good weather, I’ll be outside working on the yard or soaking up the sun, and soon, swimming!

The other thing I did last week was trying to put things in perspective. I love writing so I’m going to make more time for it. I’m going to look into different possibilities with writing so that I can make plans for my future that include writing (I hope!). If my environment doesn’t change, what do I do? There is no point in trying to force sunshine and roses into my view if they aren’t there. Being realistic is good, too. Sometimes I have to face head on what is and is not possible. If this is where I am for the next 2 ½ years then so be it. Make the best of a situation. One thing that is important to me is that I never give up. So, I keep working and putting the effort in. At the end of the day, the most important point of view is my own. So, if I realize I’m doing all I can, then I’m able to hold my head up. The final thing I’ll share is this blog. I have discovered that writing about things in my head helps me cope. I’ve grown to love this expression of personal experience. I hope to find a way to progress this part of my life, although I’m not sure how that will look.

What I haven’t done in this blog is address my questions. Or at least, maybe not directly. What did I write that spoke to some people so strongly? I think it’s just about being honest. Own how you feel. Accept that sometimes life is crappy. And don’t be afraid to admit that not everything is perfect. How can it be? The good stuff is more poignant when we recognize the bad. It brightens up all the great things in life if we make a point of looking for them. The two bad weeks I endured were made worse by the fact that I lost sight of the good that was still happening around me. And you know, all I have to do is look around at this house and how much I’ve done to be lifted up. I’m sitting in my beautiful, bright, happy kitchen right now while I write. It’s hard to feel down in this room with the door to outside open beside me and the sun making everything pretty. I work so hard to make my living space a good place. It’s time to enjoy it. The other question was about why my last blog didn’t resonate with some. The answer that I have to that is it was negative, and I know some people need to push the negative away. There is so much of it in the world right now and I think sometimes it’s better to try to step away from it. In this case, as it was my mom, I know how much she worries about her kids and grandchildren. She doesn’t want to hear that her daughter is feeling broken. I’m guessing it’s extra hard when she can’t fix me. She’s a fixer and just wants to make things better.

I think I’ve answered my questions. My hope with this blog is that you’ll see that I don’t have any interest in staying down and that I work hard to get out of the ruts that life sometimes gives me. I hope you know that appreciating the support and encouragement that I receive is a cornerstone to staying healthy. I am truly blessed with all the people I have in my life. As stressful as life can sometimes get, I’m stronger because when I need them, I have hands that keep pulling me out of the muck.

The Older I Get…

Bad Week…

The Second Half

christine.mcauliffe@yahoo.ca