Week off…
As often happens, my blog this week has been “rewritten” with a new perspective. Something happened that has made me reevaluate this past week, a week of vacation time. It’s made me appreciate even more the time I’ve had to do the things I’ve wanted to do with the people in my life.
In the summer, I prefer not to travel. There are all sorts of reasons to travel and not travel. This year was the broader “family” clan rally in the ancestral birthplace on my father’s side in Ireland. I have attended a past one and would have loved to attend this year as well. However, since I’ve moved back to Ontario it’s been harder for me to leave home in the summer. Some of it is because of my pool - it takes time, money and energy to get it going and to keep it going. There is a limited amount of time in which I can use it so I would rather stay home. I am a season ticket holder for my football team and don’t ever want to miss a home game. Also, it’s the time for yards - growing, blooming, weeding and I want to be here to take care of mine. To be honest, I love our summer weather and don’t want to miss any of it.
A week off for me in summer becomes a long list of “to do” work. If the weather holds, it’s outdoor “to do” work. For a brain like mine which doesn’t slow down, it also means a lot of thinking. My brain relishes the world around me settling into the quiet so whether I’m digging, trimming trees and bushes, mowing the lawn or washing outdoor chairs and tables, it wanders. There are many paths it follows; some are heavy and some are fanciful and light.
My mom worries when I undertake too much labour. I think it’s because she’s concerned I put too many expectations on my shoulders. I like having a long list. I know it’s unlikely I’ll achieve all items but it’s something to work towards. However, at some point during the week I started to wonder if she’s right. Am I connecting my self worth with what I can check off the list? Am I annoyed with myself for all that doesn’t get done? The easy answer is, “No! Of course not”. The real answer is, unfortunately, a “Yes!” I realized during one of my digging sessions that part of the disappointment I feel in myself is linked to my role as an executor. When I’m gone, and hopefully that’s a long time from now, I don’t want there to be a lot of “mess” for my son and executor to deal with. I want the house to be in good shape for selling. I want the yard to give added value to the property. I don’t want a lot of garbage left behind. Pretty deep thoughts when I’m just digging a hole. What I appreciate about my mind’s wandering is that I can let it flow. It helps me make decisions or plans but it doesn’t have to be immediate. I can let things brew.
My week wasn’t just a series of physical jobs, though. I made sure there were opportunities for a bit of fun. I had my mom and nieces and nephew up to help on a warm, sunny day. While here, I did a BBQ lunch and invited my lovely neighbour to join. Sitting around the table, laughing and sharing stories, along with the yummy dessert are the times that we should remember. At one point my little niece was cavorting in the pool, with my mom and I leaning on the side watching. My mom just smiled and said how blessed we are and she’s right. It’s the something that can be forgotten when times get tough. Remembering to be grateful amid the tough times lifts the weight. We are very lucky.
What did I learn this week? Well, I was reminded of a few lessons I’ve learned over the years.
When you find a good company, especially a small company with local workers, keep them! Timely Touchups, who did my “porch roof” last fall, are building my deck. They are wonderful. When I want advice or ideas, I just have to ask. It means that something unplanned is coming soon. It means that I have people I can trust to give me quality work and products. I’ll be excited to share as each project starts and completes!
Cherish each season. As the temperatures rise in summer, the greenery deepens and the flowers explode with colour, take time to savour. The heaviness of the heat and humidity can be overwhelming but we’ll look back fondly when the cold wind and snow arrive. One of the things I love most about my property is the cocoon created by the growth along my fence lines. I don’t hear the chaos of the tourists who arrive each day. I can participate by walking a couple of minutes into the core of the village or I can relax in the relative peace and tranquility of my home and yard. One of my quiet joys in summertime is sitting on my kitchen porch with my cup of tea first thing in the morning. It takes me back to the carefree life of childhood when the most pressing item on the calendar was what time to jump in the pool.
As much as I enjoy the serenity I relish the energy and chaos that family brings to my home. Especially in summer, it’s wonderful to welcome them. The sunshine that is my niece is a joy to behold as she dives into the pool or heads out to get ice cream. They bring noise and messy floors and dishes to do and I wouldn’t miss it for anything. Embrace those special moments.
Celebrate friendships. As tough as it can be for me to admit, I cannot do it without my friends. Even today, they came to help me with a task. I can do it alone but it’s very difficult. Their presence took away the stress and worry and helped me complete it in short order. It’s one of the small worries I have about retirement. I’m at a different place in my life and career than a number of my friends. What happens when they’re still working and I’ve moved on? Will I lose them? They tell me not to worry and I certainly hope that we remain close. This week I realized it’s on me to retain the connections. I’m responsible for that part of my path.
Retirement is not far away. This past week has brought with it some panic as I truly do not want to return to work tomorrow morning. I’m beginning to understand the why and I believe once I build a plan, I’ll be in a more comfortable place. My therapist asked me who I am and who I want to be. The truth is, I’m not really sure who I am right now. Always a parent, always a daughter and sister. But for a long time I defined myself by my job. I’m slowly moving away from that and I don’t know the answer to his question. But, the who I want to be? Well, I’m working on that. An adventure is coming my way this fall and I’m planning to figure out if the want can equal reality. Fingers crossed! In the meantime, the job resumes tomorrow and the summer continues.
Some pictures from the work this week! At top is the current pile of tree limbs and brush that I’ve taken down - now, to load it up and drop it at the dump!
In the middle on the left is the deck, in development. On the right is a before picture of a new project - going to be a little while but I believe it’s going to be amazing!
On the bottom is an in-progress picture: I’m going to build a patio of sorts for my dining area. Lots of digging! On the right is the start of cleaning up the chicken coop for repurposing. Oh, and I’ve never had and never will have, chickens!
A few yard images. On top is when the sun broke through after a heavy downpour. Everything was so brilliant and green.
On the bottom left is my fairy house and on the right, the entrance to outside dining. I cannot wait to share the finished product!