I Love You!

I. Love. You. Three little words. I and you, are particularly small and quite simplistic. Me. You. Not hard to understand. But Love. Four letters that pack quite a punch. Put the three words together and you have an incredibly powerful and important message.

My tendency is to think of these words as parental or romantic. The parenting books often focus on the need for a child to hear these words and to feel their intent. Why is that? I think it’s because they are some of the strongest armour we can give our children. If our children know, down to their souls, that they are loved, then they know where they can turn. The words are the starting point. Perhaps once we’re adults we can look back and know that our parents loved us by their actions. As children, I think the words hold extra importance - putting boundaries in place, ensuring they have a safe place to sleep, food in their tummies and a roof over their head are all expressions of love but for a child they may not as readily equate to love as the actual words. They need to hear the words as well as see the examples.

[I have a pretty active imagination and sometimes it runs a little wild on me. I enjoy television dramas and far too often a story is depicted on the screen that is the opposite of what I think and write about. I want to be clear here. There are always , unfortunately, situations where someone manipulates the words for their own nasty behaviour. I’ve seen many criminal dramas where the words are used to control someone or to “excuse” abuse. Let me be clear. I know this exists. I’ve witnessed it. This blog is going to ignore those situations because today, I need to. Today, I need to focus on the beauty behind the words. Today, I need the positive. If you or someone you know is being abused, please reach out to the police and report it.]

I was thinking about the people in my life. For some, I love their passion. For others, their honesty. Maybe it’s their unwillingness to accept the harshness of life and how they build their own worlds of beauty. Some of them I truly love. Some of them, I only love those parts I’ve just shared. I think to love a person you have to love all of them. The good and the bad. For me, loving all of them means I accept (because I can’t always understand) some of their less beautiful parts. I have friends who have made terrible mistakes. Guess what? So have I. I do my best to learn from those mistakes and become a better person. The people I love work hard to do the same.

I love you. I find those words easy to say when they are directed to my son. At my most difficult times, those words to him sustain me. They are what keep me going. I try to say them every day. Usually it’s in a text. He’s always been my foundation - the reason I worked so hard to build us a home and life. I was lucky. Even as a kid he never shied away from those words. I could drop him and a friend off at high school, say the words as he was leaving the car, and he would always turn and say them back. There was never any “ew” attitude. I hope that’s because I was able to share with him the power of those words. I hope it’s because they have given him an armour to face some of the ugly in this world.

It’s harder for me with others. Even with my mom, I’ve not been particularly vocal. I’ve been working on that. It’s not that I haven’t felt it. In fact, sitting here writing I can admit I don’t know why it’s been difficult. I grew up in a loving home. I always knew that she was there for me. I’ve seen it in a myriad of ways. What I’ve come to understand though, is that the older we get the more we need those words. I sat with my mom and aunt last weekend at a strawberry social. Last year when we visited my aunt she was in her own house. This year she’s in a nursing home. She’s got Alzheimers. It’s a terrible disease but that’s not what this is about. As I sat with them and many of the residents in a gathering area listening to the entertainment, I looked around. What I saw was a little frightening. From all that I saw, the residents are well taken care of. They were enjoying the singing and the strawberry shortcake. So what frightened me? Although they were surrounded by other people, they seemed alone. Alone in the sense that they were caught up perhaps in memories. Some of the residents had family, as did my aunt. Alot of them did not. They were “parked” in their wheelchairs amongst each other but they seemed to be more in their own minds than in the overall gathering. It frightened me to think that’s what lies ahead. While I looked around and sang along, it occurred to me that an “I love you” could be incredibly powerful for each of them. It could be life-affirming.

That takes me down another path. As I’ve written many times before, I am a practicing Catholic and I believe. One of the tenets of that belief if that God loves each of us, believers and non-believers. Maybe, the residents of that nursing home are not as alone as I thought. Maybe they are comfortable and cared for because of God’s love.

I love you. There are many people to whom I would say these words if we lived in a different world. If we lived in a world where we valued those words beyond our family unit. Let’s be honest. We don’t hear those words very often outside of our romantic relationships or family. Even within those relationships the words can be forgotten or lose their strength. Being in love versus loving someone can be significantly different. Wives may love their husbands but not be in love at times throughout their marriage. Saying I love you can mean different things throughout the marriage. Sometimes it may be gratitude for helping with the house or the children or the stress of bills and day to day life. Sometimes it might be more about full package - a love of the life, including the chaos of it all. And sometimes I think it’s the deep, abiding feeling that made you choose each other. I haven’t said I love you to a man in a long time. I don’t know if I ever will again, although I can hope.

When my mom says something a little wacky she follows it up with, “I love me”. We usually have a little chuckle. Thing is, I love me is really important. Have you looked in the mirror and said, “I love you”? I tried. The truth is, it’s hard for me to do. There’s lots about me that I love but there’s lots I don’t love. I have people in my life whom I truly love. I have tons of people in my life for whom I’m grateful. I am blessed with good people around me. Lately the person I have the most problem with is me. I have no idea if others go through this. I can’t say I think we all do. What I know is, “I love you” is as powerful to myself as it is to others.

I think as I grow older, it’s the thing that I most need to improve upon. It involves accepting me as I am today and as I am tomorrow. It’s about recognizing flaws and doing my best to be better. It’s about being self-aware and knowing that as imperfect as I am, God made me to be one of His children. It’s about finding forgiveness within me for the failures, learning each and every day and being able to look in the mirror and smile. I love you.

I love you, faults and gifts combined. I love you for the truth you give to me and the laughter that accompanies it. I love you for your silly side and your sombre side. I love you for the trust you place in me. I love you for the joy you bring to me.

As I mentioned, I was away last week on a road trip with my mom. I came back to an explosion of colours and blooms in my gardens.

I received this beautiful bouquet - delivered to my home! I love you, JR. You have no idea of the joy you sent!