Speeding…

It was early Sunday morning and I was on a rural highway heading to pick up something from a neighbouring area. I had a car pass me, flying by. It had to be at least 20 km/h over the limit. It’s early morning. It’s Sunday. As they flew by, I wondered what is so important at this time of morning, on a Sunday, that you would be willing to put not only your life at risk, but potentially others’ lives as well?

That thought reminded me of something I heard an uncle say yesterday. A group of cousins from the south and the north descended on my hometown for a visit. Naturally, we were taking some pictures, to capture the moment. One of our uncles said, “no posting on social media”. There was discussion about why that would matter to him when he’s not on social media anyway. His answer? “This is our time. It isn’t about the rest of the world.” In my opinion, both sides of that particular argument are correct. The sharing of a picture on social media, in the context of the group of cousins who were together, was to show those who were unable to visit. We were counting our blessings and missing those unable to attend. But I really liked what my uncle said. “This is our time.” We talked, we laughed, we shed a few tears, and we slowed our worlds down enough to savour that special time.

Yesterday was a tough day for my mom and I. We had a wild argument. We disagree about things, of course. We’re both intelligent, critical thinkers. We’re not going to be on the same page about everything. But yesterday was different. It was as though we were operating on two different planes of existence. She took offense when it wasn’t intended, and I did the same. I love debate. I love to look at things from different lenses. These days it’s something that irritates her to no end as she feels I’m being argumentative for the sake of contrariness and that it’s mostly directed at her. As I was driving this morning, I was thinking about what happened and how I feel. I realized two things. One, time speeds by so quickly and I don’t want to waste any of the time I have left with my mom upsetting her or myself. And two, I’m too fast a lot of the time. It’s like I’m rushing to the next thing, the next thought, the next meeting, the next event, and so on. I think if I took the time to be in the moment instead of always in fast forward mode, I would find myself understanding more and understood more.

I had a special conversation with a cousin whom I admire greatly. She talked about her first retirement and how she realized when it was time to leave a career that she had wanted and loved for most of her life. Retirement didn’t last long and she’s working full-time again, still in the same “sector” but in a completely different capacity. She’s loving it. She’s also loving the time she’s away from it. She talked about the ways that COVID had been good to her and her husband. They loved their time together. They worked from home, they relaxed together, they became a solid unit. It became about them and less about rushing around the world outside. The world stopped in a way, and they did, too. No more restaurant meals and racing from one event to another. They found themselves, as we all did, at home and in their own cocoon. When I listened to her talk about it, I felt a sense of slowing down, of reveling in the peace that comes from being outside of the “rat race”. One of the freedoms she spoke about was downsizing, letting go of things that don’t matter. The material objects that aren’t needed, don’t hold a special place in your life. The things we accumulate, “just because”. I’ve been doing that, too, since this house has only so much room for the mess. But as I was pondering her words, I realized that decluttering is a slowdown as well. It’s an opportunity to reflect on the items you own, determine what you need, what you love, and what has passed its usefulness in your life. Letting go of what’s unneeded leaves more time for what matters the most.

I’ve struggled with where I am right now. It’s not a good fit. I’ve said that a ton of times in the last few years. Yes, I’m learning, and learning is so important to me that I don’t want to downplay that benefit. But I can tell that I’m trying to speed toward something else. Right now, I’m calling that something else, “retirement”. I have to be open to the idea that it might not be retirement, in the traditional sense, that I’m desperately trying to get to. I feel like it’s becoming a race to an idealized “something”. It’s become a “what do I want to grow up to be” scenario. It’s as though I think once I reach “retirement”, all will suddenly be right with my world. Intellectually I can say that’s crazy. I can’t live my life equating happiness with some nebulous vision of “retirement”. If I do that, I’m wasting my here and now. There is no reason I can’t strive for my next adventure. I should do that. If I know what I want to do, and I think I know now, then I can prepare for what I will need. People don’t wake up one day, decide to climb Everest and get on a plane to Nepal the next day. There is research and planning and training and money required to achieve that desire. Why not use the same approach now? Slow down and instead of rushing to retirement, look around and figure out what I need to get there. Once I’m there, everything may be different than planned and that’s okay, too. But in the meantime, I need to stop racing out of one place without truly appreciating what it gives me as I move forward.

One of the things we did yesterday was gather at the cemetery. All the visitors went – Mom, uncles, aunt, and cousins. We went to celebrate the lives buried there who are no longer with us. Some of them we knew and loved and mourn. Some of them were generations before and while we didn’t know them, they were part of what formed us and so we are drawn to them and to their stories. It was incredibly touching when my cousin’s husband piped for us. It brought tears to eyes and stopped us in a moment of peace and serenity, and I was struck by how we all soaked it in. It was a time of reverence. Now, a day later, I appreciate the fact that we all slowed down enough to take it in and appreciate it, each in our own way. When I’m speeding through life there is a chance I will miss those most precious moments. Perhaps this is one of those realizations that only come with growing older. When I was younger I didn’t know how fleeting life can be. To be honest, even now I can forget. I get so busy striving forward for the next thing that I might miss opportunities in the minute or hour. You never know; someone might say something, or you might see something that changes your path and sends you somewhere wonderful. Make sure you aren’t going so fast that you miss the opportunity to turn!

In an effort to slow down a bit, I won’t have a blog next week. My mom, sister and I have a special trip planned. It might even form the blog for the following week. Take care everyone and slow down to smell the roses!

A little change to my tray with a newly acquired mug on the right. It seemed perfect for today’s topic.

My bouquet from last weekend is on the left. I was going to throw it out this weekend since the flowers were falling apart. On the right is what a little patience provides - the buds have now started to open. I’ve made a fresh bouquet!

Our piper, my cousin’s husband. He gave us a precious gift.