Monarch…

HRH Queen Elizabeth II passed away last Thursday.  Two days before, I saw pictures from her living room at Balmoral Castle where she was welcoming her fifteenth British Prime Minister. This week I want to write about my feelings after the announcement of her passing. I’ve broken it into categories, as fits the impacts I felt. I have never met the Queen. My thoughts are based on what I’ve seen, heard, and read. She never gave an interview, so my impressions come from limited sources and without any true research. These are the thoughts that have been wandering through my mind since she passed away. [There is no political commentary or discussion of the monarchy or its role.]

Tears

Thursday morning the news was reporting that the Queen’s immediate family was travelling to Balmoral to be with her and that her doctors were concerned for her health and recommending medical supervision. I felt then that her time on earth was coming to an end. I had a quick clutch in the back of my throat in an immediate reaction. Then work took over and I was busy until early afternoon when my mother texted that her passing had been announced. I will admit that I quickly succumbed to tears.

Tears come easily to me. I cry when sad, frustrated, and occasionally when angry. I also cry over songs, television shows, and movies. Books can bring me to tears when I’ve become completed invested in the characters and something happens. I can cry with happiness, too. I’m often moved to tears when I have to say goodbye after a visit with my son. Sometimes, I want to cry when I recognize that my time with my pup is growing short. In other words, I can cry over almost anything, and do. So, it isn’t a surprise to me that the death of our monarch brought tears out.

Tears can be cathartic. They let the grief flow and find a way out. While I may feel the depth of grief for a while, I find that having “cried it out”, I’m more able to deal with it. I am terribly saddened by the Queen’s passing, and I hope to be able to watch the funeral. I expect I will cry again, although I don’t expect it to be the same as what I experienced when I first heard. Adam Grant (@AdamMGrant) shared the following on social media. “Of all the social comparisons we make, one of the most pointless is whose pain hurts more. Suffering is not a competition. It’s a time for compassion. Loss is hard. Full stop. Whether it’s someone you loved up close or someone you admired from afar, you have the right to grieve.” When my friends were surprised by my reaction, I thought of those comments. While there was no competition in suffering, it was hard for them to understand how I felt. Like I said though, I really do cry easily.

Grief

So, the tears are normal for me and easy enough for me to understand. The actual grief behind the tears was a bit of surprise. After all, Queen Elizabeth II was 96 years old! She lived a long and full life. So, why would I be filled with grief over her passing? And I’m not British. While she was my monarch, I am Canadian, a member of the Commonwealth with a bit more distance between us and the monarchy. I’ve never been to Buckingham Palace or any other royal place in England, Scotland, or Wales. And yet, I saw something in the woman and her role in the world that spoke to me. I was listening to the BBC, and I think the commentator had the right idea. She has been the only monarch most of us have known and after more than 70 years on the crown, she had a glimmer of immortality. It was almost easy to believe she would be there forever. So, while I recognize that her life was long and that her death was an inevitability, I can also say my grief is real. My whole life has been with one person on the throne. She has always been there and now she is gone. That brings sadness.

I think that’s why we mourn the loss of people we don’t know but who have been part of our lives. Along with the Queen, Betty White comes to mind for me. She was almost 100 when she passed and certainly lived a very full life. And yet, many people mourned her. That grief, that sense of loss when someone whom we’ve admired leaves us is real.

Service

On Queen Elizabeth’s 21st birthday, she gave a speech. “I declare before you all that my whole life whether it be long or short shall be devoted to your service and the service of our great imperial family to which we all belong.” Imagine, being so young and making a pledge like that. When she was born, she wasn’t expecting to be a queen. She loved animals, especially her horses and dogs, and would have been very happy living quietly in the country. Due to circumstances beyond her control, she became first in line for the throne behind her father, who also had not expected to be the Monarch.

In my opinion, she cannot be criticized for her service to her people. She pledged it at the young age of 21 and more than 75 years later, she kept her promise. On Tuesday, two days before her death, she was still doing her duty to her country by meeting with her newest Prime Minister. When I saw the pictures, I was struck by her frailty, her smile, her beauty, and above all her commitment to her role.

Most of the people I know do their duty to their jobs, their families, and their communities in different ways. They also take time for themselves. They travel for fun, maybe leave some household chores undone when they want/need, and do their best to disconnect from work. There was something more than that for Queen Elizabeth. Her whole life was devoted in service, and I can say that I certainly have not had to live that type of life and that I appreciate her sacrifice.

Passion

I’ve spoken about passion before. Passion is important to me. It’s part of who I am. I wear my emotions openly and care deeply about everything I do. When it comes to my job, regardless of how I feel about it or what situation I happen to be in, it matters intensely to me that I give all of my energy in pursuit of successful outcomes. I want to have a career that matters, that speaks to who I am, that feeds my goals, and that allows me to be my best.

I spoke above about how the Queen would have preferred a quiet life, not as monarch. I’ve read, especially recently that that desire as a child meant she was not passionate about being the Queen. Perhaps she wasn’t. She didn’t wear her heart on her sleeve and was often seen as dispassionate and stoic. However, I would argue that her willingness to put everything aside and live in service to her country in her appointed role was in fact a passionate act.

It makes me wonder if we judge passion wrongly. Is it wrong that I am passionate? Given the industry I work in, some would say yes. But I’m also high in Emotional Intelligence (EI) and yes, I was tested! EI is considered more important to our organizational maturity now than it was in the past, and probably due to the type of people in our newest working generation. They care more about living balanced lives than working 60 hours a week. Taking that care and involving Emotional Intelligence with staff is critical nowadays. So, back to my question. Is being passionate too much? Is being even and level all the time most appropriate? I don’t think so, but then my judgement is based on who I am. I would think the Queen saw herself as not being outwardly passionate about most issues. She prided herself on being non-political, although I’m sure she had her own private opinions. Whatever her thoughts, I think she lived what she believed.

Grace

One of the most used words in descriptions of Queen Elizabeth has been “grace”. I took a look at some definitions of grace and one that speaks quite clearly to me, in consideration of the Queen, is “do honor or credit to (someone or something) by one's presence”. I think that was her. Her presence exuded honour and service. She was the face of centuries of tradition. She changed and adjusted over the course of her seventy years as monarch and yet maintained the foundation of royal custom.

I think the way in which she moved and spoke and learned was elegant. She showed her human side when she laughed, although she didn’t do it often. She was a wife, mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, and royalty. She wasn’t perfect, no human being is, and when she made mistakes she had the grace to learn from them. She was not one-dimensional, even with her “stiff upper lip”. You can see the love from her family and her nation.

I wish I had her dignity. I take things personally and I’m emotional. I can learn to react better and work to improve my perspectives on life. What I’m beginning to better understand the older I get, is that I have to choose how to be.

I have been making some of those choices as I age. I have decided that bullies have no place in my life and that I will do what is necessary to ensure that. I have decided that there are many ways in which I can emulate someone I admired, like the Queen. She worked hard at learning and believed in education, as do I. She was able to keep her personal opinions private, which I could definitely improve upon in my own life. She never stopped. Through this blog and my own pathway of learning, I hope that I find my next place in life. I also want to contribute and serve until the end.

When someone passes away, we can find ourselves “coming together in grief”. It may be that we share in the sadness of the passing, or it may be that it reminds us of loss we have suffered. Whatever the reason, we are connected through the death of a loved one. Rest in peace, your Majesty. You had a great impact on my life and on the lives of many others. May you now relax with the angels in heaven.

I thought I would share a few pictures of what’s been happening in the yard in the last week.

I finally finished laying rocks around the pool. I think it cleans up the area nicely.

Although you can’t see it due to the cover, I have a new barbecue! With thanks to my son for helping me find a good quality product and my neighbour’s son, Zack, for putting it together! And look at what I’ve started. This will be a grilling patio area next spring! My thanks to Geoff for putting the grillzebo together for me. I’m looking forward to planning and building the patio.

A picture to share how I go about planning an area. I’ve been figuring out what I want the area to hold, how big the patio will need to be, what the flow of movement will be, etc. Previously I shared a couple of pictures of the tree pruning and cutting that I did to make room for the structure and to allow access from the dining area. Next spring when the ground has melted, I’ll be able to start staking out the actual ground size.

I’ve been looking for ways to clean up some of the outside areas. I found some leftover rocks, bigger than the gravel on my driveway and smaller than what I’ve been using to shape garden beds. I think this is much better than weeds. There’s more cleanup to do in this area and it’s planned for the upcoming weekend.