Help…

Do you find it easy or hard to accept help? You may be able to guess if you’ve read any of my previous blogs, that asking for and receiving help is quite difficult for me. This past week my mom and her housecleaner, who has become a family friend, were here to do my floors. It’s a bit of a drive for them so when I reach out for a day of cleaning, it usually includes an overnight visit beforehand.

My mom hates to sit back and watch; she enjoys being involved. The two of them were hard at work so I couldn’t exactly sit around. Their drive got me going. I decided to tackle my loft while they were in other areas of the house. Great idea as the chaos of my current and future offices is something that is really affecting my ability to find peace at home. Mom and Jackie would call out with questions, ideas, or suggestions while I was upstairs. This wasn’t just a “cleaning the floors” day. My mom washed my kitchen porch, they did an additional room, helped carry the new desk upstairs and on and on.

Wonderful, right? Of course it is. But it was hard, too. I’ve never been all that good about help. I love helping others and am quite comfortable “pitching in” with family and friends. Receiving that same treatment? Yeesh. So tough to do. And yet, why should I be the only one who gets to help? Why should I deprive others of the good feelings that giving provides?

There are so many things that are difficult to do that accepting help from those around me is one thing I can learn and improve upon. As I said, I like helping others. I attended a fundraising dinner recently. I knew that the majority of attendees would be strangers. Rather than be uncomfortable in the crowd, I reached out to my friend, the organizer, and offered to help. She had no problem putting me to work; I was relieved and able to do something toward making the event a success. Definitely a win-win.

Help comes in many forms, big and small. It could be a smile from a stranger or a cheery hello on the street. When I am going about my regular business and people are friendly, saying hello and smiling, it’s a great feeling. You do that for others when you’re polite in a line-up, say thank you, and just smile. It might not seem like much. In fact, how can I call it “help”? When I think about the different situations going on in the world, especially the war on Ukraine and the pandemic and its lingering effects, I see how the simplicity of a friendly face can ease some of the rough nerve endings that many of us are currently feeling. That’s how I can call it help.

There are so many ways we can give and get help. It can be as simple as having lunch with a friend. Laughing and talking are great ways to both give and receive help. It can be helping someone pick up a dropped item or offering assistance to a child who has fallen off their bike. It can be sharing a solution that has worked for you. It can be a targeted request for aid – going to a doctor, a counselor, or reaching out to any one of many professionals. That need is important to acknowledge. I think it also makes a person courageous. It doesn’t label you and it doesn’t define you. What it does is bring to light an issue and the fact that you are willing to take it on and make it better. I’m not talking about long-term conditions; I’m talking about dealing with your current situation. Maybe it’s that life has gotten overwhelming. Sometimes it seems like hiding your feelings is the best way to go due to others’ perceptions. When you are willing to be open, honest, and transparent, you are being brave. I believe when a person does this they help others who are going through a similar experience.

When I think of my life in this house, I see examples of both stress and accomplishment, sometimes linked together. Definitely this year’s thaw was an improvement over last year’s due to the work and money I put into it. The critters in the attic are no longer boarders and have been banished. I didn’t take on these problems alone. I got help. My contractor has become a friend and one who is willing to give advice and share names of reputable companies. That’s help. It’s even help when you hire one of those companies and you pay them. Yes, it’s their job and they are receiving appropriate renumeration, and they are in a service industry. Service is about helping.

I’m pleased with what I did with the yard and garden beds last summer and am happy to say I spent this past weekend working on cleanup in preparation for the upcoming growing season. Even my house and yard needs help. This time of year when the ground has thawed and warmed up enough to let loose the pollinators and the weather isn’t quite ready for flower planting, we have an obligation to take care of our properties. It’s the time to clean up after the winter debris and make room for new growth.

I used some of the fallen leaves last year as insulation for some garden beds and trees and am now ready to gather them up. There are lots of shoots coming out of the ground looking for the sun and rain to help them bloom. I’ve read many articles that point to how helpful it is to our bodies, minds, and souls to “play in the dirt”. It’s true. Getting down on my hands and knees to make room for those fresh shoots and prepare the gardens was beneficial. The sun was warm, the air fresh, and it was peaceful in my own little world in my yard. Heaven.

Help comes in many forms and is one of those wonderful elements in life that can be given and received. I think both are critical in creating a strong individual. So, what I have I learned this week?

1)      Music really does “ha[ve] charms to soothe a savage breast”, as noted in William Congreve’s 1697 play, The Mourning Bride. I suggest giving yourself the opportunity to turn off the rest of the world and turn up the music.

2)      Keep talking to your friends and family, even (or especially) when everything becomes too much. They may help even if they aren’t aware.

3)      Reach out to a professional if it’s becoming too much. [On a serious note, if things are getting intolerable, don’t give up. The world will not be the same without you. Suicide prevention hotline in Canada: 1-833-456-4566; Suicide lifeline in U.S.A.: 1-800-273-8255. As of 16 July 2022 the code, 988, will be available to all states in the U.S.A. and will route you directly to the Suicide lifeline.]

4)      You may not realize how much you do for others. Pat yourself on the back because even in distress we are needed and worthy members of our communities.

5)      Hands in the dirt is wonderful. Take some time to do your own digging.

6)      Recognizing that help is needed is not awful, although I’m still working on this. It will make me a stronger person and better able to support others.

On the left is the “after winter” look of the outdoor dining area and on the right is the result of the clean up.

Left: last year’s early spring bed with the old red mulch.

Right: fresh shoots peeking through the newly laid black mulch.

On the left is what this area looked like during the spring thaw and subsequent flooding. I tarped an area near the tree that had a gaping hole. On the right is the same area showcased with fresh topsoil, covered in black mulch, and outlined with some of the massive rocks I inherited with the property.

Sometimes pets are a huge help - they give unconditional love and, in the case of my pup, lots of snuggles. On the left is what he looked like 14 years ago when we brought him home. On the right is what he does while I’m doing a yoga class.