Exhaustion…
Generally over the course of the week, I come across things, do something or hear something, have some random thoughts, and from those elements come my blog post. This past week has been no different as I’ve had lots of ideas for topics. However, now that I’ve sat down to write I realize that I am exhausted and I’m not sure what to offer this week. So, maybe exhaustion is the appropriate topic.
According to the Cambridge Dictionary online, exhaustion is the state of being extremely tired. The Collins online dictionary includes a second definition of “the condition of being used up”. Yes, I am extremely tired. In fact, I feel more tired than ever before and I was a single parent and did my Masters degree while parenting and working full time. My feelings are not different than what I’m hearing from so many of my friends. “I’m worn out.” “I’m wiped.” “I can’t keep this up.” These have all been said, along with many other versions, in various meetings I’ve attended in the last few months or chatting with friends and family. The truth is, I think everyone is exhausted these days. COVID has taken all of our energy from us and we don’t know how we’re going to continue. Additionally, there are people who have recovered from COVID who are still feeling the effects, including exhaustion. Where do we go from here?
It’s that second definition that is ringing especially true for me this week. “The condition of being used up.” Wow, that says so much. I feel like my heart, my body, and my mind are, exactly that, used up. (And let’s not mention the bank account for all those extras that keep coming!) It seems lately that every time I turn around there is another issue/problem/concern with this house. And I’ll be honest, I don’t think wondering why I did this, is helping me at all. I think it’s wearing me down even more. I bought the house and I have to deal with the issues. That’s my current reality. There’s no point in second guessing myself or wasting energy on the “what is wrong with me” voice inside of my head. Life carries on, whether you have squirrels in your attic, or not. LOL
Where am I feeling used up? Well, work for one. I’m usually pretty good about putting in whatever hours I need to get my stuff done. I can feel myself fading a little, though. In my book of “lessons learned” that means, it’s time to slow down a bit. When I look at my big work picture, I try to assign priority alongside of reality (it doesn’t always work). I do the top priority work first and then, if I’m really fading out, I take a break. I make far more mistakes when I’m exhausted so it makes sense to me to put some things aside to do later, rather than execute poorly. If that’s a good focus for work, than why not make it my focus for other areas of life?
I’ve decided to try this approach with the house. So, the spa bathroom is on hold. It means I have to continue falling over the extra furniture upstairs and that’s okay. I was putting so much stress on myself - which sink, which fixtures, get the painting done, figure out the accessories, and on and on. Craziness and only put there by myself. I want it done and I want it done now. Don’t get me wrong. I cannot wait for that bathroom to be complete. I’m not thinking clearly right now and I think that’s impacting my ability to cope. I think I know what I want and certainly I’ve got the paint, the furniture, and a lot of the vision. But I can’t even pick out a toilet. And I need a new toilet! So, why put myself through this? The bathroom is useable and although it’s nothing like the finished product will be, it isn’t worth the stress, the headaches, and the overall upset it is causing me. So, it’s on hold until after the kitchen is complete.
Ah ha! The kitchen! Now that is where I’ve made some progress. Wow! It’s exciting. The cabinets have almost all arrived and the two pieces on backorder are already picked up! In a time where everything seems to be delayed, I’ve been lucky. Today I bought my hood fan (there wasn’t one in the house and the condition of the ceiling is shocking!), the fridge, stove, and dishwasher. I’ve tried three or four times recently to choose and purchase my appliances and it wasn’t happening. For some reason, today was the day. I had a wonderful salesman who did not try to upsell me on anything! I am quite sure I got exactly what I wanted and for a very good price. I also picked up some paint chips to try out with the cabinet colour. I’m hoping my sister and my mom provide their input. I find choosing paint colours can be very difficult, especially when there are about 20 different shades of white!
A little excitement can rev up the adrenalin and push the exhaustion away for a while. I’m thankful for it. I’m also thankful for upcoming vacation time. I still have two weeks of work to get through, and they are both four day weeks. That will make it a little easier to survive!
A couple of lessons I’ve learned this week: take time for what you need. In my world that doesn’t always mean run away from the problem. Sometimes it means tackling it head on (and sometimes it means book a tee time and run) and make it “live-able”. In the case of the septic tank, I followed the required steps. The excavator needed an updated location service by the gas company complete before he was comfortable moving forward. That was a huge stressor because of the domino effect - the electrician couldn’t finish the trench and the electrical work until the septic tank was backfilled. I can’t use my gate until the electrical is done. And basically, all of this is necessary for the pool. So, what happened? I let it affect me. I was pretty much a mess last week and for what? It was completely out of my hands. I was very lucky and the locate was done one week after I submitted the request. Given the delays for that work, I am so grateful that mine was completed quickly. Luckily the excavator made time on Friday and had it cleaned up right away. He even finished digging the trench. It’s easy enough to say there’s no point in worrying about stuff you can’t control but I find that’s when my worry is the worst. Anyway, I followed the steps and the work is done and now hopefully, the electrician can get his stuff done and the pool can arrive. Fingers crossed it all happens soon! (And I’ll try not to worry about the timing!)
The second lesson I learned, or more accurately, was reminded of this week is that small moments can brighten your day. My orchid has eight blooms on it! I see it every day and am amazed by its beauty and how it makes me feel. My friends lift me up constantly - I’ve been enjoying golf with a friend every Friday in June and July; it’s been incredibly good for my soul, my body, and my mind. Neighbours from my last residence came by for a surprise visit. What a joy! I moved from my last house just as I was getting to know people in the neighbourhood and I’m thrilled to know we can still enjoy each other’s company. And my pup enjoyed a visit with his doggy friend!
My final thoughts this week. I don’t do well in chaos. I have an organized brain and I am driven to get things sorted out. I need my surroundings to be neat, tidy, and clean. Moving is messy. There’s no way around it unless you’ve got the best movers and pay them to pack, unpack, and they somehow know exactly where and how you want everything! I thought buying this house would be an adventure at a time when adventures were in short supply. No travel, no visiting, no close contacts, no adventures. Instead, it’s been slightly nightmarish and very stressful. I get dragged down into the nightmare when I question my choices and spend too much time in the weeds of the problem. The big picture has always been my “go to” and when I forget to go there, I am miserable. I’ve been down recently and it’s not a pretty sight. The big picture isn’t a pool for this summer (and let’s face it, it’s almost August and I still don’t have one); it’s a pool for many years to come. The spa bathroom is going to be wonderful. Waiting a month or two is actually going to be better - it’s a claw foot tub! Soaking in a hot tub in the middle of a hot summer isn’t nearly as lovely as in the cool evenings of Autumn and the cold nights of Winter. I’ll love it and it will be fully enjoyed. The kitchen is the right thing to be doing next and I cannot wait to see it come together!
There aren’t any photos to share with you this week. I’ll save them for the next couple of Sunday blogs. Have a great week and don’t forget to take care of yourself.