Solo…

I almost always find that every situation has both negative and positive attributes. You don’t succeed in a job promotion and it opens you up to something better. You need both rain and sun for green grass and brilliant flowers. AND, I believe you learn more from failure than you do from success. So, being single has negatives and positives. The negatives include not having someone to greet me at the end of a long day with a smile and a shoulder, paying for everything on my own, and not having someone else to help with decisions. The positives are abundant as well: making my own choices without necessary compromise, doing what I want and when I want, and designing the house to suit me.

My friends worry about the fact that I don’t have someone to lean on when things get rough. Let’s be honest, I lean on family and friends ALL the time. I understand what is meant, though. Sometimes the stress of situations would be eased if there was another person bearing the burden with me. It would be cool to have two paycheques helping out with the renovations and “surprises” along the way!

I discovered this past week that I may, occasionally, overdo it. When that happens, I carry on, until I don’t. I came to a stop last night. I think my body decided a time out was needed. This is probably one of those times when being on a solo journey can be tough. Maybe a partner would see it and help prevent the shutdown. Unfortunately, I keep going. It’s what I do. Until I don’t. I think it’s an important wake up call about a few things.

First, owning a house (unless you’re flipping it) is not a short term investment. Houses need to be cared for, they need maintenance, cleaning, and upkeep. That’s before, during, and after a renovation. I understand why I’ve jumped into these renos with both feet. I want to enjoy the possibilities of this house. I want to turn it into a home. I want to feel comfortable and embraced when I walk in. So, I want to get the immediate plans complete. Also, I have a renovation budget. I know how life can be. If I want to use that money for the changes, then I’d better do it before some emergency comes up and it’s gone.

Second, being a human being means I need to care for myself, in many of the same ways I care for a house. I need my own maintenance, exercise, fuel, mental and spiritual fulfillment. Being single means caring for myself rests on my own shoulders. There is nothing wrong with that. In fact, you don’t have to be single to care for yourself. Think about taking a flight and the safety instructions once onboard. They always say the same thing: look after yourself before tending to anyone else. If you’re faltering, how can you be a source of strength to others?

So, that’s two lessons from my shutdown. Here’s another one. Even when you’re on your own, you aren’t alone. I’ve mentioned before that I have incredible family and friends and I know I only have to reach out to get support. I also have a contractor. I’m not remodeling my kitchen by myself. (Okay, I’m basically not remodeling my kitchen at all. I’m paying someone to do it for me.) He’s available to answer questions, help out with ideas, steer me in the right direction, and then recreate my vision of my dream kitchen for me. He’s already been a tremendous help.

With the realities of this pandemic, he approaches the renovation a little differently than contractors I’ve had before. I pick and purchase everything I want. Sounds a little scary, right? It is! That’s why he’s there to guide me toward the right products and step in and take over on items that are beyond me. For instance, he steered me to IKEA for my kitchen cabinets. I can honestly say this was not where I was going to go BUT he had a perfect reason. They use a track system - it will spare my walls from a lot of impact. The house is old and I’ve been very clear about respecting the age. The track system is perfect. It doesn’t hurt that I had a couple of great customer service representatives at IKEA who helped with every step and that I found cabinets I can not only “live with” but that I really like. My new ceiling is white cedar. I know nothing about buying wood so this is one of those times that the contractor stepped in. He gave me my choices, told me the prices, bought it, and delivered it to me.

I’ve been able to choose the focal point for the kitchen (a gorgeous, huge farmhouse sink), the colour for the ceiling (it will be whitewashed), the cabinets, faucet, and appliances. And to be honest, my focal point was a bit of a concern by the contractor. I think he’s bought in now but it took a bit. By buying the items myself, I control the budget and the vision. My stepbrother pointed out it’s a great option as I don’t pay markup and I can shop around to my heart’s content. And I have. I still have elements to chose - I need the cabinet hardware and the countertops and I picked out the lighting this past weekend. In the meantime, I’m slowly losing any extra space in the house as it fills up with the materials for the start date. It’s exciting to look around and know that these “things” are going to transform the current space into a haven. I love baking and cooking and cannot wait until I have a functional space to work in. The countdown is on. Two weeks until demolition. So exciting! I’ll share the before pictures next weekend. For now, you can see how everything is piling up!

My final thoughts for today: I will remind myself each day that I am in it for the whole story, not to fall apart before it’s done. Coming to a stop doesn’t help anyone. Taking care of me means I can give to those that matter the most.

Materials piling up!

Left picture - kitchen focal point
Right picture - one pre-kitchen picture