Comrades…

Some weeks I’m searching for a topic and some weeks, like this past one, I have so many ideas that it’s hard to choose one. This week I was bouncing between three particular themes and wasn’t sure how to pick just one. Today is Saturday and normally I start writing my blog on Monday or Tuesday. Usually I let myself have a week of writing to solidify my thoughts on paper, so to speak. Obviously this week is different. As I said, too much was going on in my brain to choose!

This morning I had my third hair appointment with my new stylist. Until a few months ago, I continued to drive back and forth from my last town so that I could keep my stylist, who had become a friend. Realizing it was crazy to be on winter roads and the additional two plus hours that it took, I finally found someone in the village. As much as I miss my last stylist, this has been a good choice. I don’t spend two hours on the road (and more when the roads are in bad shape), and I’ve found someone who is very chatty and shares all sorts of information about the village. If you ever want to get the goods on a place, find a business owner who has lived there for 20 years! But I digress from the topic I want to share.

All of that is to say my blog topic was set by this morning’s visit. As I said, my new stylist is very outgoing and friendly. Since it’s her own studio, there aren’t so many people that you can’t have a conversation. When her next client arrived, I sat there with my book as my hair colour was setting and overheard some of their talk. The woman was contemplating whether it was time to start letting the gray take over. I heard her mention grandchildren, so I know she isn’t in her twenties, but she certainly didn’t look in her eighties, either. She was talking about telling her coworkers that she was considering going gray and how one of them told her she didn’t have the colouring and bone structure to pull it off. CAN YOU IMAGINE? I can’t! I always remember being told if you don’t have something good or nice to say then don’t say anything. What is wrong with women? [To be honest, I’m not sure if she said it was a woman, but I’ll be honest, to my ears, it sounded like something a woman would say.]

So that’s how I got to today’s topic. I can’t believe in 2023 we still have to be reminded to support, encourage, and lift each other up! When I think about the “old boys’ network” I have to admit that it seems to have been built on exactly that premise. They supported and lifted each other up. It might have been done like an exclusive club, but they looked out for each other. Now, I’m not suggesting we start an “old or young girls’ network”. I’m really not. But for goodness’ sakes, can’t we help each other?

The older I get, the more I appreciate the women around me and those who have gone before me. Some of those women had to push through glass ceilings built by those same old boys I mentioned. But they did it and I get the benefit. I find that I’m getting pretty comfortable walking away from a lot that doesn’t align with my values. My younger self had problems doing that. I was always trying to appease someone or make them like me or make everyone happy. I’m growing up, I guess, and am done with that. I am willing to fight for the principles and people that matter to me. I’ve always believed you can’t change things unless you’re involved and willing to stand up. So, I’ll stand up for the people around me who need it and want it, especially the women. I’m still trying to find where I truly fit and I thank those strong women who have made this journey possible.

Awhile ago my mom saw a movie and was so excited about sharing it that she bought the DVD and had a movie night with my sister and me. I loved the movie so much that I asked my son to get me a copy for Christmas, which he did. If you’re a woman of a certain age, I can’t see how the movie wouldn’t hold appeal. As for other ages, I’m honestly not sure. I’m not even sure what I would have thought of the movie ten years ago. The movie? The Book Club[1] with four incredible actresses: Jane Fonda, Diane Keaton, Candice Bergen, and Mary Steenbergen. At the time of the movie’s release, they ranged in age from 64 to 80. Why does that matter? Because they play four strong, successful, and sexual women who are best friends and have been best friends for decades. Because they haven’t stopped living. Because even though they are past what Hollywood might call their prime, they still have what it takes to tell a story and to tell it well. Their characters lift each other up, provide encouragement and support and don’t sugar-coat the truth. They call each other out and boost each other up. Through lives that include husbands, children, grandchildren they are there for each other. And those characters are played by “older women”, which is inspiring as I’m living my second half of life. But even bigger than that is how they stand for each other.

Last Monday I started a new routine. It was time to focus on me. As much as I miss my four-legged companion, my last couple of years have centred around his needs. Now that I’m on my own, I have to take care of me first. I’ve set up my routine to ensure I’m getting exercise, eating better, and soaking up fresh air and sunshine, whenever there is any. For the past couple of years my friends have put up with me whining about being overweight and out of shape. I’m sure more than once they were tired of hearing it from me. Heaven knows, I was tired of feeling it and saying it. I recognize some of the saying comes from being embarrassed about how I look. I also know how I got here. It’s not a surprise to me that I let stress take over. So, this past week, as part of my new routine, I headed to the office. Going to the office has not been in my “want to” list for a few reasons. Leaving the dog for that many hours and not liking how I look are the two biggest. Anyway, with my new routine, I’ve decided to go in once a week. I reached out to friends to see if any of them would be there, too.

One of our group of four was at the office on the same day and I suggested we have lunch together and catch up. When the day came, guess what? She suggested we spend the time walking. No judgement or pushing, just a “let’s get out of here and get some fresh air”. Now, that is friendship. It’s exactly what I needed. There was fresh air, a good bit of exercise (I swear, I practically jogged to keep up with her!), and a chance to visit. What more can I ask of a friend? Another of our four is my golfing buddy. We’ve already started thinking about our Friday golf games in the summer. These may seem like small things, but small things add up. Even in my worst days, I’m blessed to have friends who hold me up. I think my successes are theirs, too. How can they not be? They’ve helped me get through the dark days to find some joy and light.

What have I learned this week? I’ve learned that fresh air, healthy food, and exercise clear my head and make me feel more positive. I’ve learned that I can be happy and that it’s up to me. And I’ve realized that helping someone else is about them, not me, and I must be careful not to indulge in arrogance about providing that support and encouragement.

[1] Directed by Bill Holderman, written by Bill Holderman and Erin Simms, 2018

Part of my new routine is to go for a walk as soon as I’m up in the morning. I think this view of the house is so pretty in the fresh snow.

My dining table, in honour of St. Valentine’s Day.

A few pops of pink and red can change the look for St. Valentine’s Day!

Getting ready to paint!

Filling cracks in anticipation of painting!