Community…

When we are born, we enter the world as members of a community. In fact, we become members of more than one community at birth. Our very first community is our family. It may be small or large and the situation may be good or bad. We also become a member of the global community, although it may be a little while before we feel that and contribute to it. Sometimes we don’t have a choice about membership. I live in a small village and therefore, am a member of that community. What I do with that membership is entirely up to me.

I spent last weekend with a friend and her daughter. We travelled to a popular tourist area, had a round of golf, went out for a couple of wonderful dinners, and swam in the pool at the hotel. It was a hot, sunny weekend, and really good to get away. So, how did I come up with the idea of writing about community? Well, this friend seems to be the fulcrum for a number of them and it fascinated me to watch her in action.

Have you given much thought to your communities? I know I haven’t; at least not beyond the community in which I live. It seems to me that community is a popular word in the media when there has been a tragedy or a natural disaster. Have you noticed that? “The community came together to support the family…” or “The community is cleaning up after the tornado went through..” or “Community members were helping those most impacted by the damage…”, etc. We hear about a community coming together to celebrate someone’s leadership or success. Maybe they’ve dedicated a park or street name to a community member. Those are the communities in which we live but we have other communities in which we dwell, as well.

We create communities through activities, interests, and our families. I have a friend who loves to spend weekends at different RV campgrounds. She’s told me about friendships she and her husband have made during those trips. She belongs to an online chat group where members share information about different locations and other items of interest to the RVing world. They belong to a community of people who enjoy getting away from it all throughout the summer. Within that community they have even found people who share other interests. That is one of the great things about community – it can grow beyond its origin and produce strong friendships that last for years.

We can also find ourselves in a community based in our work. It could be industry-wide connections that you make or perhaps it’s a Labour union that brings people together. In this village where I’m now living, there are two businesses owned by retired colleagues. With one in particular, I find us chatting about what is currently happening, wondering who is doing what and where, and what might be coming in the organization where I still work. Although he is retired, he is still part of that community. And of course we find ourselves together in the community of this village.

I have found the first year of my life here difficult in one sense of community. I have always actively participated in my Catholic parish, wherever I live. My first year here was under the restrictions of COVID and so I found myself a bit on the “outside”. It wasn’t from any unfriendliness; it was simply that there were so many constraints put on in-person meetings, requirements to maintain distance, and of course masking such that even our faces weren’t fully showing, that volunteers weren’t being sought. Fast forward a year and I’m now getting to know other parishioners, volunteering, and feeling like I’m part of this community. As an aside, that’s one of the biggest impacts I’ve seen on a personal level from COVID. We lost our feeling of community while in isolation.

So, to go back to the start of this blog when I mentioned my weekend away. My friend has more communities than anyone else I know. Her home is in a village, and I swear she knows every single person. She knows the business owners and if they aren’t family members then they’re close friends. She knows the history of the place and the people. She’s involved with recreational activities and is one of those people who doesn’t just show up, she contributes. She’ll manage a team or schedule the league or fundraise. She’s active in her church and plays her role in making sure it’s a welcoming community. Her husband is a business owner and I know that a lot of his clients become friends. [That’s probably one of the reasons they’re so good together. They’re both outgoing individuals who bring people together.] Their children are involved in sports and activities. And they, as parents, find the time and energy to fully support those communities.

Last weekend I was able to watch what that sense of community is for them. We not only went golfing, we also spent hours at a go-kart race track. My friend’s son is a racer. On the day that we arrived, we stopped by the track before checking into our hotel. My friend’s husband and son had been there for a couple of days already (practicing and racing in some heats). First off, there was security before we could enter the area. That made me think of a distinct society. It wasn’t wide open to anyone from the public. [To be honest, it was late in the day, and it was just the racers and their teams who were onsite. There has to be security given the value of the machines.] Later on during the weekend, that security stop was the point of collection for the tickets. On that first night as I was driving in, I looked around and saw numerous tents, vehicles, and people. They had their own language, their own way of doing things (these little electric bikes that the drivers used to get around quickly), and a certain “look” to them (racers wear specific gear, and team members wear the team name, etc.).

Now someone might say, well you’ll find that in any sport. And yes, you will. For instance, swimmers will have a look and feel to them that will be different from the public who are there to watch. And the same can be said of musicians or photographers or whatever and whomever makes up the group. In the case of these racers, I was reminded of that sense of community that comes from understanding in a deeper way, those around you. While they were competing with each other, they also respected each other. And they have teams supporting them with coaches and mechanics and family. What I saw was a true sense of union. My friend under normal circumstances would have been organized and planned the cooking and feeding of the team members. Because this was her “weekend away for golfing” she hadn’t pre-arranged anything. However, being a member of that team meant she still helped out. That’s the true engagement in community. You participate, you help, you give when you are able.

When my son was young, I found myself in the same place my friend is now. I was a hockey parent or a soccer parent or a school committee parent. I was tied to parents whose children had something in common. I was also a member of a community due to my job and another one through my Catholic parish. I played a sport so there was another of my communities. If I start to list the communities with which I have ties, it could go on for quite awhile. And what does community give back? Support. Encouragement. An outlet for an interest. A way to not do it all alone.

I guess that’s what I was thinking about last weekend as I watched and listened to my friend. It’s about belonging to a group or a place or both. Often it is said that you get out of something what you put into it. And yes, that’s frequently true – work, school, sports, etc. When it comes to community, though, I think people will often benefit from other’s contributions even without giving themselves. I’m not passing judgement – there can be many reasons why a person does or does not participate in their community. We have a meeting coming up and there will be discussion about a building permit in our village. There are plenty of people who are against the issuance of the permit, and I have an opinion, too. I don’t expect to be attending the meeting, though. Does that make me a lesser community member? I hope not. I just don’t feel that 18 months of living here gives me enough knowledge to speak up on the matter. If something happened in the community that meant people were called upon to help, though, I would be there. I don’t think community is an all or nothing proposition.

As I’m looking to the future and what retirement might bring, I’m drawn to the idea of community. What sort of community do I want to live in and be part of as I grow older? I moved here because it was a village, not a city or even a town. It has a bit of a feeling of the past to it. It’s not just the century homes, it’s also the people. Children say hello on their way to school, people smile and speak when out walking, the shops keep hours that allow their employees and owners time off. As busy as it can be during the summer days, there is quiet in the evening and over the winter. I like that. I don’t want to live in the rush of a city where you keep your gaze down so that you don’t lock eyes with anyone.

I want to be in a place where I feel welcome and known. I want to feel settled. I want to know that if I need help, I can get it and if someone else needs it, they will reach out to me. I think most people want that. It’s why we join groups or share interests. It means I’ve found people with whom to share parts of myself.

Waiting…

Weight…

The Second Half

christine.mcauliffe@yahoo.ca