Christmas stress…
My mom sent me an article to read about taking care of mental health over the holidays. I thought it had lots of good points about doing what you need to do to celebrate or not celebrate a holiday that is often measured by movies and commercials of the perfect season. What does the song say? “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year”! Is it? Not for everyone. Aa person puts so much stress on themselves to make it “perfect” as measured by an unrealistic scale, that the lead up can be miserable.
I wanted to do a blog about Advent. It’s an important time for me, not only from a faith point of view but also just my overall preparations for Christmas. I enjoy both the religious celebration of Christ’s birthday and the secular excitement of Santa’s arrival. Part of me has always believed in the magic of Santa and I don’t know if I’ll ever lose that. The last couple of weeks have turned me away from the topic of Advent specifically and more to my own reality of the holiday season this year and that is what I’m sharing in this blog.
I was blessed to have my nine year old niece and my mom visiting this weekend for our village Christmas festival. Although the weather wasn’t exactly Christmas-like (rain, wind, and +9C) the feeling in the air and among the people was the excitement that we often associate with the month of December. We had breakfast with Santa, got lots of treats from the floats in the parade, had hot chocolate, bought lots of baked goods and crafts at the market, and roasted marshmallows in the fire barrel on the main street. We had a countdown for our tree lighting with lots of people visiting the village and enjoying the atmosphere.
Sounds like that perfect season, doesn’t it? In a lot of ways it was. Unfortunately, I don’t feel anywhere near ready for Christmas. Normally by this time I have my house decorated and am putting up my tree. I usually aim for tree decorating the first weekend of Advent (last weekend, this year). I only set the tree up this afternoon and my house is nowhere near decorated. In fact, it’s not even cleaned up yet. That’s really hard for me to accept. One of the things I love about decorating at Christmas is that I spend time on a deep clean because I’m moving so much around to make the tree fit. Right now I feel like I’m in the midst of chaos. One of the problems I’m feeling overall with the house is the element of chaos.
I know that once I get the house dealt with (wall colours, reno work, etc.) I will feel so much better. I’ll become focused on keeping it clean, instead of sorting, designing, and choosing colours. I’ll be able to enjoy the results of my hard work and relax. I’ll feel better about curling up in a chair with the fire on and reading a book. I won’t be driven by guilt to always be doing – I’ll be able to enjoy my quiet time. In the meantime, it seems like I’m always pushing myself to accomplish one more item on my to-do list. I think that’s part of my problem this year. I’ve managed to do quite a bit and have started on the two front rooms. They’ve been such a “disaster” since I moved in and have barely been used. Knowing that I’m getting so much closer to making them beautiful and functional pushes me to keep going and get them done.
As my mom pointed out that push is what put me behind in decorating this year. And by behind, I’m referring to a self-imposed timeline. I look around at the stores and movies on television and it keeps getting earlier and earlier. I don’t start until after Hallowe’en. I like getting the outside lights up in early November and missed a couple of great weather days this year. That was the first delay in my calendar. Once I (finally) got the lights up, I decided to tackle the dining room. Crazy, right? A month until Christmas and there I was scrubbing and painting the room. To be honest, every time I look at the room or go through it, I smile. So, is it worth the time? Absolutely! Has that reality helped ease the stress from my to-do list? Nope. I’m still incredibly overwhelmed these days.
What it has done is made me look at myself, at my priorities, and at my to-do list. Am I being crazy? Yes. Is that normal for me? Again, yes. Should it continue? Absolutely not! Why? Because I’m not 20 anymore. For goodness sake, I’m not 30 or 40 anymore, either! One of the things I fight a lot and have to come to accept is aging is inevitable. And by fighting, I don’t mean I want to go back to being 20 or 30 or even 40. I don’t want to relive all of that. I am who I am today because of every situation I’ve lived through and every choice I’ve made. I’m good with that. What I have a difficult time with is acknowledging that at my time in life and with everything that I am facing and have going on, maybe I can’t do what I did 20 or 30 years ago. It’s okay and I think it provides an opportunity for so much more…if only I could get myself to accept that.
I don’t mean that I’m physically unable to do things. I’m really not. What I do mean is that maybe my priorities have changed somewhat. As I look to the future, I realize that I want the house “done” by the time I choose to retire. I want to be enjoying it, not trying to figure out how to make it mine. [Let’s be honest. Houses are never truly “done”. There’s always maintenance and upgrades. I just want to make sure that all of the big jobs are taken care of.] So, I got the dining room almost complete before Christmas. Hooray! And yes, it impacted my self-imposed decorating timeline. Big deal. I’m not hosting before-Christmas socials so it’s just me and dog until my mom arrives to celebrate with us. I know I’ll have it all decorated by then and that I’ll enjoy it into January. Writing this out has given me the permission to allow myself that time.
It’s interesting how often I have to talk or write myself to a conclusion or solution or acceptance. I’m way too stressed for this time in my life and I know I have to do something about it. Maybe for now, little steps forward are the way for me to find peace. And what do those steps look like? Well, I think it’s important to take breaks and get fresh air. Find some quiet in the midst of the energy of the season and really, all year round. At this time of year, I like to do that by sitting in the evening with my tree lit up and music playing. [Of course, the tree has to be up and lit!] I’m especially lucky to have a mom that understands my need for solo time. This past weekend, she made sure I got some and in return I discovered that I was enjoying her and my niece so much, that I didn’t need it. I knew I would have lots after they left. And boy, was my house silent after their departure!
Another small step? Let my mind wander. That might seem big rather than small. The truth is, when I let it just wander (and this past weekend it started considering what colour I might like in my living room) I find it’s more calming than trying to actively plan. Sometimes just letting the world move around me and not being focused on anything in particular is soothing. Other ideas I have to take care of me include: getting the house cleaned up (way more important to me right now than decorating), taking time for some quiet prayer to start my day, enjoying the book I have on the go and not feeling guilty for it, eating better than I have (it helps my head!), and enjoying the decorating process. If I’m going to go to the trouble, why not enjoy the work??
And I’m going to laugh at myself or the world or whatever I encounter. Today, is a good example of why laughter is needed: a meeting that kept buffering, a computer that desperately wants to restart, and far too many deliverables to manage in the nine hours I’ve been working! So, I’m off to buy some new lights (look at the pictures below for a chuckle). May your preparation for the holidays or just for the winter season be filled with the comfort of a warm house, food to fill your stomach, and love to fill your heart.
I’m going to take a short break from my blog. At least that’s my plan. I’ll be back in early January! Merry Christmas and Holidays and Happy 2023!!
Last night’s laugh: my half-lit tree! Honestly, I tested the lights before putting them on!
Last year’s Boxing Day sale - new Christmas signs and a preview of upcoming sitting room changes!
“In progress” - when you find a perfect spot for a special item. This drawing was done by one of my favourite aunts and I’m thrilled to be able to display it.
Sharing my new dining room - although not absolutely complete, it’s such an improvement that I am thrilled!