Be Yourself…

In my usual fashion, I’ve been working all week on a different blog and one that I’ll probably still finish and publish. So, why “Be Yourself”? Well, a few things have happened recently, and I’ve found myself saying, “I acted like me without pretense” and “I can’t apologize for who I am” and, most recently, “I feel it strongly and I don’t think I should ignore my feelings”. So, here are a few of my musings about being yourself.

Are you a different person dependent on the circumstances? Is the you in the office different than the you at home? Is the you at home different again when you’re at church or at an event at your children’s school? Is the person that people see at a public event, like a concert or a show, the same person you are elsewhere? Who is the real you? When I was younger, I think I was all of the people that I presented to the world. Sometimes I was the operational employee, sometimes a single mom just trying to figure out how to get by, and sometimes I was a friend who just wanted to go out and have a good time. Even as I get older, there are still different faces I turn to the world. My family doesn’t need the me I am when I’m managing a project, for instance, although they could benefit from my organizational skills! By nature, we are who we need to be at a certain time and place. But what is the totality of that person? Was I really all of those things or was I spending a lot of energy to be who was expected? I think the answer is somewhere between those two extremes.

The older I get, the more I notice the “real me” showing up. What I notice now is that some of the conditions that influenced which persona would be in place have changed. For instance in a job interview, I would try to be passionate enough to show the interest I had in the position while not appearing too excitable. My intent was to always showcase my intelligence and abilities without being dramatic or sounding like I know everything. There’s no way I was cold, it’s not who I am, but I probably looked like I was trying as hard as I was. I never felt completely comfortable, and I don’t really know exactly how I looked to the people on the other side of that table.

When I am with friends whom I trust, I am passionate and opinionated. My input wasn’t really accepted where I was for the last four years and that’s fair enough, I guess. It was a position that didn’t fit and by the end of those four years I found myself done trying to hide my discomfort. There you go. As I’ve been aging, I’ve been losing the desire to melt into the background. A friend often points out how difficult it is to work when you aren’t being authentic. I agree wholeheartedly but I also understand there are times when sitting back and shutting up are appropriate, too.

So, what’s been happening that has caused me to consider the real me? Well, I met someone new at work. To be honest, she isn’t exactly new but she’s new to me. Do you know how sometimes you meet someone and just know that they are honest and true to themselves? There is something that rings through that tells you they aren’t putting on a show. I have a close friend like that. She calls it the way she sees it. It might be I don’t see it the same way but she’s not expecting that everyone will agree. She’s just honest in how she presents herself. Well, this new person is that way as well. It’s interesting to realize that authenticity stands out. You would think (hope?) that this would be the norm but unfortunately, it is not. Anyway, back to the new person.

I shared with a couple of coworkers that I’ve felt very impacted by the Hamas attack in Israel. So much so that it brings tears to my eyes. [I have never been to Israel, although it is on my bucket list, and I had hoped to go this past spring. It’s very unfortunate that the trip didn’t work out. One of the comments that has been said numerous times over the last week is that Israelis are used to missiles coming out of the sky. CAN YOU IMAGINE? Because I cannot. It’s been said very casually, the way I might say I’m used to dogs barking in the early morning hours. Their horror isn’t caused by something that is awful to consider – constant missile strikes. The horror? It’s the evil terrorist attacks that occurred just over a week ago. Those attacks were so shocking – the utter disregard and lack of respect for human life – that I am overwhelmed and saddened for the people who have been attacked. There exists already a generational trauma that is passed down through the Jewish people. I cannot even guess how this will impact them and their children. I know how I feel. So I’ve now shared here some of what I am feeling when it comes to the terrorism of last weekend.] I had to wipe away tears when I expressed my feelings at work and N said I should never apologize for what I feel. She’s right but it’s not something that’s always been part of my career life. I had a manager once who would tell us she was really happy or excited for something that our group had achieved but then she would say she was celebrating inside because it wasn’t appropriate to celebrate on the outside. It’s never been my way and I think after all these years, I’m finally feeling free to leave that expectation, that lack of emotion, behind.

I mentioned my experience in job interviews. Well, a couple of months ago I had another job interview. I prepared but I didn’t “put on a mask” as in the past. For this job interview, I let myself be me. To be honest, I was at a point in my journey where I was coming to accept that I was not going to achieve what I wanted and that it was time to plan to retire as soon as able. [Now, you might say I’ve been doing some of that with my blog for a couple of years, and you wouldn’t be wrong.] This was an internal struggle that I had with myself. It was accepting that I need to survive until my pension can kick in and that I will not be a success in that environment. So, I was in a job interview, and I answered honestly and was authentically me. The me who knows my worth and can laugh and learn when I make mistakes. The me that knows I don’t know everything and is honest enough to say I don’t know it, but I can learn it. And guess what happened? I got the job! And while I’m grateful to the interviewers for giving me this opportunity, let me tell you I take full credit for earning it.

More and more I’m realizing that the people I admire the most aren’t necessarily the people I agree with the most. The people I admire are the ones who show up as themselves, are honest and kind (being authentic doesn’t eliminate the need for kindness), accept and learn from failures, are willing to bend, and are living their true lives. They might not be the smartest people in the room but they’re the ones who are willing to ask the questions. They are open to hearing other opinions and ideas. They aren’t driving their own personal agendas. They’re really trying to find the best way forward. They are the leaders that we need and should want.

Be yourself. We say it all the time. It’s a concept you read and hear everywhere. And it seems so simplistic. Just be you. When I Googled it, there was a ton of “advice” that came up. One of my favourites, for its “eyeroll worthiness” is that being yourself requires you to live below your full potential. Honestly, imagine saying that to your child. “Well, if you must, be yourself, but you’ll never achieve all that you can.” As I write it, I’m sitting here chuckling. How can being yourself be a “lesser” role in life? I think it points to something important, though. Being yourself should not mean that you cannot be part of the world around you. I think we need to teach ourselves and our children how to “be you” in a way that enriches their experiences and their contributions. While the world changes, it doesn’t go fast enough to address the diversity of humanity. In the meantime, it’s important for us to be flexible. We need to be warm and accepting of those who have something different to offer. And I honestly think that we and our children also have to be flexible in making our way. The reality is that the world isn’t going to bow down for me. I have to figure out how to be heard and seen if I want to be engaged. I have to figure out how to bring me to the richness of the world.

What a wonderful gift we give to ourselves when we act with authenticity. I think some of the hardest times we live through are when we are not being true to ourselves. If we are busy trying to be what someone else wants, we may end up creating an internal tension that causes discomfort and unhappiness. The older I get, the more I appreciate the good parts that I have and the parts of me that can use some improvements.

I am a single mom. My son is no longer a child. He’s all grown up and has been for awhile but I’m still his mom and still here to support and encourage him to the best of my ability. We touch base pretty much every single day and I will not apologize for maintaining a strong relationship.

I am emotional. The horror of terrorism brings me to tears. The joy of love swells my heart. My soul is touched with a special peace when I’m at Mass. I am filled with feelings and hopes and dreams and tears, both happy and sad.

I am passionate about so many things. I love a debate and have no issue playing the devil’s advocate. It makes me think. It makes me look at things from different angles and perspectives.

I am musical. I may not play an instrument (although I took years of piano lessons and could still pick my way over the keys) and I might not have a talent for singing but I adore all kinds of music. I love it as background and I love to belt out the words as I dance around the room.

I am a true fan of my football team. They’ve had a few lousy years and I am unwilling to give up on them. That’s just me. I may criticize what I see on the field, but I stand up for them and continue to support them. If they try, then I’m willing to continue cheering. I consider them part of what makes me, me.

I am a reader. I always have numerous books on the go. I love being swept away by a good story. I don’t want to say goodbye to characters that I have come to love, when I reach the end of a book. I eagerly await new books by my favourite authors.

I laugh. A lot. I laugh at myself and it does not make me weak. I think it makes me strong because I am able to laugh at my faults while working to be better. Laughter is a gift, I believe.

I love writing. It turns out that the real me is a writer. Now, whether I get anywhere with it or am able to earn money from it is a different question. For now, it’s something that I need to do and that feeds a need within me.

The real me is enough. That’s one of the most important lessons I continue to learn as I grow older. I am enough.

I love to decorate, especially for autumn. I recently added this vase to my decor. I think it’s perfect with the pumpkins and lights.

I moved the tea trolley, with its freshly polished silver to the dining room. I think it’s a perfect placement!