Anger…

Although Spring is not my favourite time of year, I consider it a special season. It reminds me that we are coming out of the cold, gray days of winter. It brings sunshine, warmth, and the bright colours of new growth in my yard and gardens. It’s also the time when I celebrate St. Patrick’s Day. I love the music, the colour green, the comradery, and the lightness. This year it’s been tainted by the anger I’m noticing in my immediate world. It feels like the lightness is gone. We’re definitely in better shape than we were a year ago in terms of the pandemic. We are no longer isolated and no longer required to wear masks everywhere. And yet, I’ve heard so many expressions of anger that it’s made me pause and wonder what is fuelling it.

Recently I was discussing the semi-final game of a sport I love with someone who also loves the sport. There was an article out about the retirement of an elite player at an early age. The person I was speaking with felt impacted by the article and angry about what the sport has become. It was the fierceness of the anger that struck me, not the topic. [I understood the topic. The sport has always been known for its friendliness, civility, and fun.] The person came across as furious about an up-and-coming team and how they were so serious during play and didn’t seem to smile or enjoy themselves.

The force of the anger hit me like a slap. It got me questioning what is behind anger. I was speaking with a colleague a couple of days later and he expressed his anger about something he encountered recently. And I could tell he felt it was righteous anger. I have a friend who is so tired of her boss not responding to inquiries and seemingly doing very little day-to-day. I have no problem being the set of ears that a friend or colleague needs to vent. I’ve done the same. It’s just the frustration that has become anger has me wondering what is going on. In a group I belong to, everyone likes each other. And yet lately I’ve been seeing examples of anger around dissenting opinions. I hosted a committee meeting recently and felt attacked by a member when I offered a few suggestions. It was as though my suggestions were considered a direct attack on his values. What is causing this anger? I don’t know if there is a relationship to the pandemic or the isolation that came with it but it feels like anger is the go-to emotion all the time now.

If I look outside my own small circle, I see growing frustration with our current state of affairs. I know I’m constantly shocked by the cost of going to the grocery store and I can’t imagine what that activity is like for families, especially those with one paycheque. Maybe that’s worthy of anger. Talking with a friend about travelling this spring turned into a litany of concerns for the many who have to fly. Between delays, changes to flights, lost luggage, lack of communication, and on and on, there is so much anger on display. Watch the news when the weather is bad, and travellers are interviewed at your local airport. No one is happy. But it’s more than discontent. Instead of being discouraged, they are now becoming enraged at what is perceived as bad customer service. How often do you read about police officers responding to domestic situations? It seems to be increasing daily. It’s as though anger is not a by-product of our way of life but a foundation for it.

** The above portion of this blog is what I wrote to publish last weekend. I didn’t get it published due to my crazy schedule. My schedule this past week was at least as hectic as the previous week, but I made a special effort to get this complete because I need to get it out and move on. However, the two weeks worth of thoughts have turned out to be different, so I’m making a change to my normal approach. Think of the top half as part one and what follows as part two. **

By last weekend I was angry. Thinking about what is happening in our world angers me. The war in Ukraine is in its second year. The cost of living is prohibitive for many families, especially if there is only one paycheque. We have people who feel the world owes them and not the other way around. They expect to be taken care of and don’t feel a need to contribute to their community. Those thoughts and many others were swirling around my brain. I was feeling dragged down by the negativity of the anger in my mind. I was feeling frustrated because I didn’t feel balance in my life.

I accept that anger is a normal emotion. We all have moments of it. It’s how we approach anger and what we do with it that makes the biggest difference, in my opinion. The first part of this blog was how I felt at the anger that was expressed to me, not at me. I got drawn into that anger. I felt attacked by the emotion, but not by the people expressing it. It was adding weight to an already stress-filled time in my life. I think that’s part of why I felt such a strong impact. I was already dealing with stuff and didn’t find an outlet for myself. Last weekend and throughout this past week, I had three encounters that gave me enough light to drag myself out of the hole.

I had a great visit with my mom, and we talked about anger. We talked about how we feel and how we approach the different things that happen in our lives. My mom is at a stage in her life where she’s decided to distance herself from some of the craziness in our everyday lives. I think it’s awesome when she’s able. Sometimes, it’s probably hard to create that distance but overall I can see that she’s consciously set herself up for a more pleasant mindset. And that approach is an opportunity for me to learn.

Last Sunday I had lunch with a friend I haven’t seen in months. She and her partner have moved into their first home together and I finally got a chance to see it and her. That visit turned a lot around for me. It was a country drive to get there. A drive that was under blue skies and amongst fields of melting snow. I turned up the radio and just enjoyed the time. I didn’t think heavy thoughts or worry about my to do list or anything. I just was. GPS took me on a slightly different route home and again I was able to simply enjoy the time. And the lunch visit? It was fantastic. We talked about the house, about what we’ve been up to, ate wonderful homemade soup and bread, and just enjoyed our time.

This past week was insanely busy at work. I went into the office four out of five days for workshops with smart, passionate, and intense people. It was exhausting and wonderful, at the same time. Why? Because I was participating with a group of people who just want to make things better. People who understand the context of the work, the history of the project, and respect each other. They don’t always agree. In fact there was a lot of excited discussion. They do their best to contribute in meaningful ways.

Those three elements of my week are what turned my perspective on anger. Anger is something that worries me. It can take on a life of its own and get away from people. It often causes harm. I believe it can drive you to become disenchanted and bitter. [I’m not talking about the anger which drives change to make things better.] For myself, the most destructive anger is that which I turn on myself. It’s the anger that comes from being overwhelmed or unhappy. A year after declaring my intention to lose weight and I’m no lighter on the scale. That is my anger with me. Feeling like I don’t fit somewhere and feeling helpless to change that, that is anger I direct at me. Trying, failing, and not seeing the learning opportunity is self-directed anger. I have to find a way to not take on someone else’s anger. And I need to be positive moving forward and less angry with myself. I took a different path when I soaked up my visits with my mom and my friend last weekend. Listening to the team as they pushed and prodded each other to make advances on our project this past week was another positive move. Giving myself a break by reading a good book, listening to music, walking outside, and soaking up the good in the world leaves less room for anger.

Anger has its place. It’s an emotion that we all feel at times. For me, I have to make sure I don’t let it take over. I have to exhibit the backbone to stand up for myself without apologizing or striking out with anger. I have to make sure a moment of anger doesn’t drain the energy I need for other things. I have to take the anger I feel when I see injustice and let it propel me to stand up for what is right.

And the rest of the time, I have to let peace in. Enjoy the music. Enjoy the people. Enjoy the change of seasons.

Island tiered tray for Easter.

It doesn’t have to be expensive to add a little seasonal flavour to your decor. I bought the plate at a dollar store and added foil-wrapped chocolates!

I like changing things up. Last year I used this tablecloth on the kitchen island. It’s small but works great on the larger table!

I was hoping to share pictures of the new furniture but it didn’t work out. However, I thought I would show how I plan out what I’m considering when it comes to furniture. Although you can’t easily move the tape (painter’s tape) around, this does give you an idea of how much room will be taken up and how much room is available. It gives you something to consider for walking pathways, too. I find it very helpful when I’m considering a piece of furniture to tape it out first and make sure it fits before spending the money!