Respect…

R-E-S-P-E-C-T – Aretha sang about it, and we danced to it. It was a spirited song that we would sing along to on the dance floor. Aretha took a male dominated song and turned it into an anthem for women. It’s about demanding personal respect. My mother and grandmother talked about personal respect, too. They always turned it to me. If I wanted respect from a boy then I had to respect myself. In those days that was often related to clothing and makeup. They wanted me to dress “respectably” and with a sense of class. It’s something that stuck with me and that is just part of who I am.

I think personal respect is huge and the lack of respect is glaring when a person observes life. It’s found in actions and words, and it seems to be growing. The anonymity of the internet and social media is a breeding ground for disrespect. When a person hides behind an online persona they can get away with anything. Kindness is lost. Think about the interactions you encounter “out in the world”. Recently, I have been at football games, on the golf course, in person at work, in church, in the grocery store, and driving. On each occasion, I can point to a lack of respect. Perhaps it’s a lack of kindness but I see it related to respect. Simple things. Letting a car in when an upcoming lane is closed. Honestly, you don’t get that far ahead in rush hour traffic that letting in one car is saving you any time. Standing talking on the green after you’ve finished that hole on the golf course. Yes, it’s nice to be out and enjoying some social time with your friends but there are others coming behind who want to hit their balls. And behind them are more people. Talk off the green. Visit as you travel between hits. I love golfing with my partner, and we had a great time chatting and catching up. We golfed last Friday, had a wonderful time, AND had a proper rate of play, so yes, it can be done.

Church is an interesting situation. It’s lovely to be warm and welcoming but is your chatter loud and intrusive? Are you interrupting someone else’s quiet time in prayer? What is respectful? Perhaps the type of church you belong to sets the tone. I know mine is quiet in the pews. How do you treat the person at the checkout in the grocery store? How do you treat the person in front of you in line at the checkout? Do you respect their physical space or are you trying to push them along? Do you understand that the person ringing in your items does not set the prices? Do you respect that their job is one of service to the customer and that they probably get a lot of crappy behaviour over the course of the day? You know, taking a breath, not rushing, being compassionate can go a long way to making someone else’s day. I believe it can go a long way to making your own life more peaceful. Football games or any sporting event are a catalyst for disrespect. Screaming at the ref on the field because you don’t like a call? Ridiculous. And yes, I’ve been known to be very upset over a bad call. What I really hate is booing. I cannot boo. I detest when people boo, whether at the team, the ref, the coach, it doesn’t matter. I think it's so disrespectful and incredibly juvenile. It would be wonderful if a team could be perfect. It would be amazing if my team would win more games. It’s been a tough year for us, but booing is just awful. In my books.

And that’s a critical point. What I see as disrespectful others may not. Others may think that booing at a sporting event is just a way to express their dislike of something. Someone else might think that golfers need to take a breath and calm down and not worry so much about rate of play. Who cares if a couple of people take a minute or two to chat on the green? Not everyone lets someone in from the onramp onto the highway. Does it make a big difference? That car will get in eventually. I’m in a hurry to get somewhere. Maybe those aren’t examples of disrespect to some people, but they are the base of it in my eyes.

I sometimes wonder if we spend enough time taking the opportunity to grow and learn. Respect means having due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others. If we learn where someone else comes from, I think we have a natural path to respect. As long as we have open dialogue. This past Saturday was our National Day for Truth and Reconciliation. In Canada we take this day to remember the children who never returned home and those who were survivors of the residential school system in our country. At our football game we were treated to entertainment throughout the game from indigenous artists, musicians, dancers, singers. One of the most amazing things about the crowd was the appreciation they shared. There was cheering and clapping and standing ovations. That is respect. Respect for a culture that has felt undervalued. It may have taken a long time, but we are finally ensuring they are seen and heard. It felt good.

Okay, so that’s a fair bit about small areas of respect and one big one. How about some of the other situations that we see in our world? With each passing year our country is becoming more and more diverse. To be respectful of our new neighbours, we have to be welcoming and open. We have to want to know them. I attended a multi-cultural event with my mom a week ago. In a short walk around their community centre, I learned a ton about many different ethnicities. The group in which I worked for four years has members from all over the world. I asked one of the newer hires why he chose Canada, and he gave me a strange look. Because you have a gorgeous country and it’s safe, he said. And that reminded me to better respect all that I have. I forget how safe we are in comparison to other areas of the world. And yes, I know our country with its changing landscapes is beautiful, but do I remember to appreciate it? Do I remember to respect it and care for it?

I’m afraid respect is something that the world is losing. If we would learn to, at the very least, respect that not everyone is alike, then maybe we could be open to embracing others. When I read or hear about a suicide bomber in another land I think how awful it must be to not respect life. Because at the core of it, if you are willing to take someone else’s life, along with your own, then you don’t have any respect for life. If you think someone’s religious beliefs are enough to mark them for death, then how can you respect your own faith? I don’t know of any faith that says it’s okay to take someone else’s life.

I want to make it to retirement. I want to live long enough to revel in my next adventure. I want to learn and travel and have peace in my own world. I want to grow a better garden, swim in my pool, enjoy good books in my beautiful home. I want to contribute to my communities and spend time with friends and family. I want to stay active and alert. I can’t do any of that if I don’t first respect myself, my health, my wellness. I can’t do any of that without respecting my neighbour’s rights and lives. I can’t do any of that without respecting my friends and family. I don’t have to agree with everyone and everything. But I do have to consider their feelings and their opinions. It’s the only way forward with any sense of belonging, love, and peace.

I love the way the house looks at night. The candles in the windows give so much warmth. Anyway, consider this one more “before” picture. New look coming soon!

As I’m sure I’ve shared many times, Fall is my favourite season. This is from our last golf game of the season. What an incredible sight!

My new Fall decor - a gift from my mom. I want you to see how wonderful they are as the day turns to night.

In my last blog I shared my bad transplanting of my mums. I said I would show you how it looks at night, with the lights set up. Well, what a surprise I had - I thought the lights were white and they are Christmas-like instead! And you know what? I respect my mistakes as well as my wins! Life isn’t perfect so I’m enjoying them, just as they are!

I’ve switched my final planters over to mums. They make a great entrance to my outside dining area!