Obligation…

As a parent I have an obligation to my child to provide safety, home, sustenance, health care, and education. When he was a child I did not feel I owed him explanations for the decisions I made, especially when that involved the word “no” to him, nor did he have a right to know everything, like my paycheque amount, etc. The duty I owed to him was to be a parent, not a friend, to guide him with morals and values, and to allow him to be a child. My personal opinion is that when you choose to be a parent, you are obliged to provide, to the best of your ability, those things. The blessing that comes with being a parent is the love that you feel and share with your child(ren). I don’t think there is anything to compare with that and it makes the obligation one born from love.

As a child, I believe there are obligations, as well. The love you are given, you pay back every time you give a hug, a snuggle, a kiss. And, you still have a duty as a child. You owe your parents “listening”. I mean that you have a duty to do as you are told, to follow the rules, and to actively hear the lessons being taught. As an adult child, I believe there is a continued obligation to support your parents. As I look around, I’m astonished at some of the attitudes that I witness. What I see is selfishness. Does it really hurt to give a little back to the parents who taught you, fed you, clothed you, kept a roof over your head, and did everything they could to make sure you were okay? Thankfully, I don’t see this attitude very often. More and more I see elder parents who are still giving and supporting their adult children. Do they still owe that obligation or is this simply love? [I don’t know a lot of people who went through horrific abuse at the hands of parents or guardians. The few that I do know, are incredibly kind people that have not continued the cycle of abuse. For the intent of this blog, I am setting aside parent and child relationships that are based on that trauma.]

So, why is obligation at the forefront of my mind for this blog? I was travelling for work and chose to take the train. I’ve always enjoyed train trips. They are comfortable, great service, lots of room, and you can get work done while travelling. In the era of COVID, though, there are some strict protocols that seemed to be positive. On my trip out, there were constant reminders of masking requirements, and the staff were great about keeping everyone “honest”. I travelled in business class where there is drink and meal service. There were regular announcements reminding the travellers that, except for active eating, they were to have their masks in position, and lower for drinking. No one seemed to have an issue for that, except for one very spirited three year old. Her parents did their best, but I don’t think anyone was terribly upset with the child as she mostly stayed in her seat at the window. On the way home, though, there were two twenty-somethings who were rude and obnoxious about the rules. One would stick her tongue out during announcements and the other would give the finger. They regularly ignored the staff or put the mask on long enough for the staff member to pass, and then take it off again.

That’s the reason I started thinking about obligation. I believe I have a duty to others when in a public place. That duty has become even more important during COVID. If there are rules instated for the safety of others, then I follow them. To be honest, I tend to be a rule-follower at all times. I find people who flaunt rules to be annoying at best, disgusting at worse. And I believe it comes down to obligation. Every person on this earth owes something to the world. We owe a respect of life. We have a duty to care for our planet and each other.

Always, duty brings to mind our military personnel, police, and firefighters. Those occupations require people who are willing to put their own lives at risk for the safety of others. When I started thinking about the word duty, an immediate thought is of our front line workers. Those people who have put themselves and their families on the sidelines to provide the health care and emergency support that has been so badly needed during the pandemic. That obligation, those occupations, require a sense of duty that is far deeper than anything I can convey in this blog. I include those people who work in grocery stores, pharmacies, and everywhere that we go in order to live our lives. They continue to show up so that we can go on living.

I’ve been pondering where I feel obligations. I owe my family – love, support, encouragement, and help, when and where I am able. I wrote that I owe my family love and I would imagine that might cause questions. How can love be owed? Well, I think it’s because we don’t choose our family members. They are our first and primary connections in the world and because of that I think of it as something owed. I love them because they are family. It's even better when you become friends with your family. I feel blessed to be able to say that, especially with regards to my mom and sister. However, when it comes to family we may not always agree. With friends, outside of our family, we tend to choose those with whom we share common interests, perspectives, goals, etc. In some ways those choices may make our relationships easier than with family members. Sometimes it might be easier to turn away from helping a family member and I think that’s where we have to let obligation step up and remind us that we are more than friends. We are of the same branch on the tree of life.

I’m obliged to care for any pets in my household. Like children, they are dependent on owners for food, a home, medical care, etc. I firmly believe that if you are not going to provide adequate care then you should not own an animal.

What else is there that arouses an air of obligation in me? Work, for one. I owe the company that employs me the time and effort to complete the work for which I’m responsible. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about this obligation. For many years, I’ve given my regular work day and then some. In fact, I’ve worn it a bit like a badge of honour. Contemplation comes from wondering what I’m going to do once this career is finished. How will I spend my hours? Will there be something that takes my time and makes me feel fulfilled?

What else? Well, my belongings. That may sound strange, but I feel that I owe it to my car, my house, my clothes, and everything I own that I take care of it. I don’t mean that I’m providing it a home or food but that I treat it with pride. Now, pride is something that can be negative. What’s that old saying? Pride comes before a fall. And yes, I can be too proud. But the pride I’m talking about relates to the value I place on the article. I’m proud of the hard work I have done and continue to do, and I believe some of that is shown in what I present to the world. So, that means things like my yard, my house, how I look, what care I take with my car, and so on is representative of who I am. It doesn’t mean I need to live in a mansion or have a grounds crew to mow my lawn and weed my gardens. It means that I am trying my best to take care of my house by cleaning and painting and everything else that I need to do.

I am obliged to contribute to my communities. I wrote about community and how many different ones there are. I owe them something. There are times when I am unable to give back, but it doesn’t take away the awareness I have of that duty. I think I mentioned in the previous blog that there are times when some benefit from others’ giving and times when you are giving more. I believe that if you belong to a community then what you give into it comes back to you. This past weekend I was able to give time and effort to both my church and my village by volunteering at our agriculture fair. It’s important to donate when you can, to support your community whether it’s through money or time. I always say you don’t have a right to complain if you do nothing to improve.

And sometimes I have a weird sense of obligation. For instance, my pool. There are days when I am absolutely exhausted and the thought of going for a swim, being in a wet suit and having to dry off afterward, are just too much. I swim though, because of the cost of the pool, the amount of water that is in it (and the cost of that), and the fact that swimming is good for me. Once I’m in, it’s great and I don’t want to get out, but that first step of putting on my suit?? That’s where I push myself because of obligation.

I feel duty-bound when it comes to this house. Every house comes with requirements to do maintenance and occasionally the need to upgrade or fix. But when it comes to this house I believe there is a greater obligation to honour its history, look, and feel. I’m working very hard to treat the house with respect. I’m not willing to demolish the insides, I want to freshen it up and give it the feel of a home. I want people to walk by and see the candles in the window and think that it looks happy and loved. There must be someone who cares who lives there.

The last obligation I want to mention, and probably the last one a lot of us remember to pay is to myself. Part of caring for myself is to give back as I believe that goodwill is returned. Part of that care is to remember to do things that I love. Last weekend I attended my football team’s game, as I do every home game. It was legacy night, and they celebrated some past players. One of those players was from the team that played when I was young. I met him all those years ago and met him again last weekend. I had a picture taken and when I looked at it later I saw pure joy on my face. I had already decided that my blog topic would be obligation and when I looked at the smile on my face I realized how important joy is in my life. That obligation to self is critical and not just to me. It is essential to our world at large to give ourselves care. If we don’t cherish our lives then why would we cherish anyone else’s?

This past weekend I baked six dozen muffins to contribute to our fair café. We were under a heat wave and I can honestly say having an oven going in that heat was not fun. I was obliged to follow through on a commitment I made. I gave of my time as well and volunteered for breakfast and the start of lunch.

I only have the one picture this week. There are lots of small projects currently on the go, and I look forward to sharing some before and after pictures soon!