Fit…

When we lived out west, we lived in a city of one million people and yet it never felt like living in a big city because it was a combination of neighbourhoods. We had everything we needed within close range of our neighbourhood. It felt comfortable because my son’s school was nearby, as was our church, and we had friends, all in the same area. Fast forward to now and I’m working in another city of a million people. Thankfully since the pandemic I don’t have to go in to work everyday. However, on the days that I do, I think of this city in terms of areas. There’s the area where a couple of friends live, then there are the two universities and their associated areas, the downtown where our head office is, the airport area, and so on. It was interesting last week when I was driving home from work. I missed a turn and my GPS readjusted to take me another way. While on that route, I realized that the downtown core slid into the canal area which is adjacent to where my football team plays which then slides into a university neighbourhood. I wasn’t seeing the city as distinct neighbourhoods as I’ve always thought of it. They all fit together like puzzle pieces to form one whole.

Why did this stand out for me? Well, other than the fact that I was confronted by a geography lesson, it aligned with the blog that I’ve been writing in my head for a few weeks. Fit. When I look back at the beginnings of the blog and of the question on the front page, “What does the rest of your life look like?” I wonder if I’ve gotten anywhere with my musings. There were two purposes in writing the blog. One, to share my adventures of “change” in my century house and two, to ponder the future. The countdown to retirement perhaps or just what life has become and where I want it to go.

I’m doing okay with the first purpose, although transformation of the house has slowed over the summer as I concentrated on the outside and looking after myself. I’m getting back at it now that the temperatures have started to cool. For the next few months the majority of work will be cosmetic in nature, except for one bigger change about which I am terribly excited (more coming soon, I hope). I’m looking forward to making my front rooms liveable, which means continuing to sort and get rid of unneeded items. In the meantime, wondering about the rest of my life has been something that bounces around my mind a lot. I have to be careful as I don’t want to waste time only thinking of the future and miss living in the present. I also recognize that someone like myself needs the exercise of planning ahead to enjoy the present, so it’s a delicate balance. The other reality is that retirement is huge and changes everything so being prepared is a good thing. Otherwise, you can find yourself without purpose. I want to figure out what speaks to me, what I’m passionate about, and how I might spend some of that time.

Where do I fit? Not only does that question pertain to the future me, it’s valid today. As we age and grow we find ourselves changing and belonging in different places. When my child was young, I worked hard to be not just his mom, but also me. I know people who give their all to their children when they are young and I find no fault in that, but I recognized that for me, I had to have an identity of my own. I wasn’t only his mom and not everything I did was focused on him. I had a job and interests and friends. I made sure of that. That independence has always been a critical element of who I am. And yet, he was young, so a lot of my life was focused on him. A lot of those friends came about because of my child. They were fellow parents at school or from one of the sports he played, or the church we attended. While that might have been the starting point, we’ve stayed friends from similar interests and the fun we’ve had together. I belonged in that “parent-type” grouping.

But now where do I belong? My interests and passions have changed along my pathways. There have been some that I’ve carried forever and others that have come along. It’s the ebbs and flows of life. My mom was a dedicated, passionate teacher and principal. During retirement she has developed a passion for bridge and is really enjoying the strategy and execution of the game and the partnerships that develop. I think it’s really interesting to hear her talk about the relationship between the cards, her partners, and her own play. And I still come back to the question about myself. Where do I fit?

Maybe that’s not the right question, though. Maybe another question is, does fit matter? I have friends who came for a visit over the weekend. They were RVing in my village with a group of RV friends. They spoke about meeting these people a few years ago and how they just clicked. That’s fitting together. Isn’t it wonderful to continue to meet people who have similar interests, with whom we want to spend time and make future plans? These friends are such a great unit. They are truly a couple and now they’ve found a few other couples to enjoy together. It brings a smile to my face to think of how happy they are.

And being part of a couple? That’s a fit that I think I would like. I haven’t been half of a couple in a while, and I think it’s something that would be wonderful. For me it’s not about needing someone, I can take care of myself. It’s about wanting that connection with another person. It’s about the love that comes from that fit. Does that warrant time and consideration? Is it even something that can be planned? I don’t think so, but a person can be open and look. In this case, fit really does matter. Being a part of a couple does not work if you are just trying to fill a void. The fit – the love, the attraction, the shared interests, are all necessary.

If you have a job, you get paid decently, it keeps a roof over your head and food in your stomach, you work hard and do it well, does it matter if that job doesn’t fit you? Years ago when I lived in a different place and was a university student with a part-time job, there was a man who would come into the store. He always came in during the early evening hours and picked up a newspaper and a lottery ticket. He always came in smelling very clean. Probably weird to some that I have this memory. But to be honest, that smell of fresh out of the shower is one I always equated with that customer. I mentioned it to a co-worker once, and she told me he was one of the town’s garbage men. He went home after work and before going anywhere, he showered and put on fresh clothes. He was apparently well known as a friendly community member who always spoke to people he encountered on his route, was one of those people who would wait if he saw someone rushing out the door running late with their garbage, and more than willing to help a neighbour. He took pride in his job and his appearance in the community. Why do I mention this? Because I don’t know if being a “garbage man” was his plan or if he felt he fit in the job, but I do know he fit in the community. I’m sure there was much more than I ever knew about the man but this particular part of his story I have remembered for many years. And that’s why I wonder if “fit” matters?

I always wondered if work should just be a means to live the rest of my life. It could be. Work my eight hours, do it well, get paid, and then live. We live for the time with our families and friends. For the vacations that we take, whether they’re in our backyards or travelling. We live for the sports our children play and having a beer with a neighbour. That’s enough, right? And I know it is for a lot of people.

I feel badly sometimes because it hasn’t proven enough for me. I wish it was. I wish I didn’t need to be fully passionate about all aspects of my life. I want to engage with good friends and enjoy life. I also want to work in a job that inspires me to give my all. Unfortunately, that can be a bad thing, too. No one should be working 24/7, in my opinion. It’s not healthy and while I don’t do that, I do put in lots of hours, often well beyond what is my “technical” work day. The people I work with, all do that. Why? It’s because we care so much about the outcomes of our work. It’s because we are always looking for ways to improve and to make it better for the organization. Does it mean we all fit where we are? Probably not.

So, what is the right path forward? In my case, because I’m talking about the next part of my life, I’m searching for that thing that will take me into retirement. I want that “something” that inspires me, that I’m made to do. It probably sounds pretty fanciful and maybe it is. I’m trying to put in words the need I have to learn and improve and contribute even when retirement comes along.

I guess I haven’t found it, since I’m still searching. I was chatting with a friend who retired in the last few months. You have to keep doing, according to him. I agree completely. It’s not just about doing household chores or running errands. After all, I’ve been doing that all along. It’s the next inspiration. The next thing that brings happiness and excitement. To be honest, I feel like writing is something that I’m passionate about. So, how do I make it a “thing”? I guess I keep going along this road that I’m on and look for an opportunity. That’s the biggest thing I’ve learned this past two weeks. It is a worthwhile exercise to find what fits me and where I fit as I look forward to the next phase of life. What I know for sure is I like this village. I like the pace of life here. I have fantastic neighbours. You can’t beat that combination.

The sitting room is starting to take shape and I am looking forward to sharing its story of transformation!

I was very excited when I found a yellow pumpkin this past weekend. I think it looks amazing!

I’ve finally finished my kitchen shelves for fall. Isn’t it cool how the picture turned out??

I love fall colours!