Confusion…

One of these days I’m going to count how many times I’ve started a blog by saying that something happened that caused me to change my plans for the week’s blog. Because, I’m doing it again. And I’m going to apologize if you find this blog jumps around a bit because that’s what my mind is doing. It’s confused and bouncing around trying to find a comfortable place to stop.

Henry Wilson

Tricia Asselin

Gaya Halifa

Matthew Perry

I’m willing to bet that you know one of the names on this list. My neighbour will know two. These are four of thousands who have died in the month of October. Although, I’m not writing about death it would seem that’s all they have in common. And in a way, that’s true. But they have something else in common. Their deaths have impacted me, even though I didn’t know any of them.

On October 7th a terrorist attack killed over a thousand people in Israel. The retaliation has been ongoing since. There are still over 200 people being held captive by the terrorists. Because of the military response, there are more people dead. At the core of it is… land? Religion? Entitlement? Hatred? Lack of respect for human life.

On October 25th a gunman walked into a bowling alley and started shooting. Minutes later the same man walked into a restaurant and again began shooting. In total, 19 people are now dead because of that act, 18 innocent victims and the shooter himself. He was found dead and is presumed to have taken his own life.

On October 23rd a father, father-in-law, grandfather, brother, and uncle died peacefully in hospital. He was a Canadian Armed Forces veteran who served his country for 37 years. More importantly to his family he was a loving husband and father and grandfather. He had many friends and was a lifelong lover of baseball and dogs.

On October 28th, an actor known for his comedic wit and his battles with substance abuse and mental health issues was found dead at home. He never married or had children.

So, what is going on in my head that I would be writing about these four incidents? Well, confusion, I think is the best way to describe it. We are given the gift of life and we do our best to celebrate that gift each day. Some days are harder than others but most of us keep getting up in the morning, putting one foot in front of the other, and doing what we can to get through each day. Yesterday was a near perfect day in my world. At 630 am on October 28th it was 18C outside! It was beautiful and sunny and impossible to not enjoy. I got so much done that I was pumped with energy. All of the panic I had been feeling because I was behind in my outside chores was put to rest. The pool water was lowered, the grass was mowed, I finally dug the hole for a new lamp post, and I got the summer furniture put away.

Awesome, right? YES! So where is the problem? There is so much going on in the world and directly around me that is not positive that I wonder how to reconcile it with the good. I don’t only want to think about the bad that is happening. I want to celebrate all the great that we get to experience. I sometimes feel confused and a bit guilty at being happy by the little things in my life, like a really productive day when I know there are families dealing with heartbreak and the horror of war at the very same time.

Let me tell you about the names in the list above. Henry Wilson is my neighbour’s father. I didn’t get to meet him, other than maybe a hello when he was visiting last year. He was in a nursing home and my neighbour and her husband were regular visitors making sure he was being well taken care of and didn’t have any wants or needs. They had recently moved him to a new home where he was welcomed by wonderful staff. Unfortunately, he suffered a fall, ended up in hospital and a week later passed away. As awful and tragic as it was, my neighbour was relieved that he didn’t suffer for long. And that relief must be hard. It’s difficult to feel positive about saying good bye to your dad because you don’t want to accept that you won’t see him again. It’s a conflict that we often deal with when we have to come to terms with the death of a close family member.

Tricia Asselin was a mother, sister, daughter, and great friend. She was selfless and caring about her fellow person. She walked the Boston Marathon after the bombing that occurred because she wanted to acknowledge that you can’t run away from the bad in the world. I didn’t know Tricia. What I know about her comes from news reports. Last Wednesday night she was out bowling with friends, as they did each week. A lone gunman came in and started shooting. While many were able to escape, Tricia was not. She was shot and killed. A life ended at the hand of another is horrific and almost impossible to comprehend. When it happens without any motivation, I cannot imagine how difficult it is to comprehend the reality of that death.

Gaya Halifa is a name I took from the long list of Israel’s dead in the Hamas terrorist attack of October 7th. I know very little about her, other than her age, 24, and where she died, the outdoor rave near Re’im. The picture on the list is of a pretty girl with dark hair and dark eyes. She died along with many others when terrorists attacked an outdoor music festival. People listening to music, dancing, enjoying life. And then horror.

At 54 years old, Matthew Perry was incredibly well known. He spent a number of school years in the city near where I live, attending school with our current Prime Minister. He delighted fans with his comedic talent on screen, and from what I’ve read, off screen, too. From all accounts he was honest about the struggles he faced with addiction and mental health. He was widely known for being one of the stars of the television show, Friends. I was not an avid fan of the comedy, mostly because I was busy being a mom during the years it was on t.v. My daughter-in-law is a huge fan of the show as it continues to reach generations after mine. Less known I expect, is that he made it known that he would help anyone who needed support. He wanted to be remembered for that, more than for his television career. It took him years but he survived addiction to tell his story and now, at such a young age, he is gone. [Please note that nowhere does it say he succumbed to his demons or that he died at his own hand.]

Okay, so I’ve explained the four small names in the list above. I guess it’s time to tell you why I wrote them. I’m struggling with the paradoxes of life, at the moment. Such small things, like my wonderfully productive day yesterday seem to pale in comparison with the bad that is going on around the world. The results we are seeing from human impact on our earth. The lack of respect for human life. The mental health struggles that end in a tragic loss of life. Sometimes death is from illness. Sometimes death is peaceful. Sometimes there is nothing tragic to point to, other than the loss felt by those left behind. But, there are also so many instances where death comes at the hands of someone else. Sometimes I wonder, when that is what we see and hear about, how we are supposed to make it to tomorrow and the day after.

Here’s the thing that I’ve discovered this week. I make it through by remembering to be grateful. I have my two nieces and mom coming up on Hallowe’en. My nieces are going to dress up and enjoy all that the village has to offer. My mom will help me hand out to the hoards as they come for candy. That is going to be so much fun! I make it through by doing the best I can each and every day at work. I won a job competition and started in my new position at the beginning of the month. Every day is an opportunity to learn and to excel. It won’t always be perfect but it will always be the best that I can do that day. I make through by remembering those whose lives have been cut short when I say my daily prayers. I make it through by believing in a tomorrow, not here on this earth but after, in heaven. I believe we will see our loved ones again. I believe this, our life on earth, is only part of our journey.

It’s a shorter blog today because I didn’t want to overwhelm any reader with the amount of confusion in my head. I think it’s important to recognize that sometimes we’re just not sure how to think about all that is going on “out there”. I think it’s okay to be sad and happy, even at the exact same time. I think it’s important to celebrate the little things in life, they help us create the big things. I know that what I give each day is the best I have in me. The good days and the bad days are what make me who I am. I hope you remember to celebrate all of your smiles, even when it seems like there isn’t much to smile about. Those are the days when we need them the most.

Here it is! The front has been redone - roof over the step and railings on each side. I think it looks perfect!

Some of my perfect day work from yesterday - transplanting the hibiscus before bringing them in for the winter!

The start of something new! On the right are the steps taken to put the post in the ground. Many thanks to my wonderful neighbour for his help in getting this job done. It was my first time with cement and I don’t think I could have done it alone! On the left is the “curing” post. Next week, I’ll be able to show you the finished product!