Attachments…
A big part of my move into this house has been an exercise in downsizing. I’m at a stage in my life where downsizing is good for me. It’s a chance to clear out the clutter. I need to take stock of the possessions I have, determine what I need, and what I want. With the house holding no children, I don’t require some of those things that were part of those early childhood years – toys, stuffed animals, and learn-to-read books. It gives me the chance to make it about me and what I want to have around me. It’s taught me that I have some very strong attachments.
As I got thinking about the attachments I have to some of my possessions, I also thought about other attachments: music, books, people, and so on. I’ll start with the “things”. There are numerous books and articles available to peruse about how to downsize, how to declutter, and how to clean up our homes. One method includes holding an item and searching for your feelings about it. Do you really want/need it? Well, in a manner of speaking, I have been trying to do something similar. Now, it’s not that I took a week or even a month and went through my whole house. I’m just too busy for that and I honestly don’t want to approach it as a one-shot task. So instead, I’ve been doing areas of the house as I want. A couple of weekends ago, I started on my sitting room. I haven’t completed it as it’s become the holding room for all sorts of things, but I did start on the piles of paperwork and books that I had stuck in there. It’s very satisfying to be able to get rid of a mess. As an aside, I notice that as I work my way through the house, I keep moving the “I’m-not-sure-about” items into the sitting room. I think it’s because I’m not really working on the room yet and I’m trying to defer the decision-making. Interesting that sometimes I’m ready to make a choice whether to keep or throw away and sometimes I am not prepared.
Other “things” that I am pondering include my dining table and chairs and my beautiful buffet. The buffet was made for me by a friend’s production company, and I absolutely love it. I can’t imagine not having it anymore. The dining table was a gift from a friend when she and her husband wanted to use one handed down from his grandparents and the chairs I found a few years ago. They were second hand and I think they’re gorgeous. Unfortunately I think it’s all too big for the room. However, I’m waiting on this decision. I am attached to these things and I’m not ready to let go. I’m also not ready to revamp that room so I’m giving myself permission to take time to consider and decide.
I am not a minimalist, and I don’t expect I ever will be one. I’m learning, though, that I should never say never. There are many items that I’ve held dear over the years that I now realize don’t suit the current me and my current lifestyle. As I get closer to retirement and work on the house’s rooms, I find myself questioning what I need in my life, and what I want in my life. These can be very different items. Do I really need a large yard which comes with a fair amount of upkeep (or development), especially as I get older? Well, no. But I want one and that was part of the appeal of this house. Although the side yard is severable, I did not buy with the intent of selling off that space. I want it. It helps build a bit of a cocoon, allows room for the pool, and gives me the room to have areas: dining, lounging, grilling, etc. I love books, music, and television/movies. I need attractive storage for those items. I have the beautiful claw foot tub upstairs and I want to enjoy it. That means I need an appropriate spot for the accessories that go along with it. Those are some of the ways in which I’m viewing the house and my possessions as I go through each space and room and decide its purpose and what I need and want to make it work.
I mentioned music. I am incredibly attached to my music. From classic rock to ‘70’s love songs to ‘80’s dance music, I crave my favourites. I’m lucky, too, that I appreciate so much different music. My car has 18 pre-set stations and everyone of them has a favourite type of music. At home I still listen to CDs and my app with an overwhelming choice of genres. Country makes me think of my hometown and Irish music takes me back to times with my dad’s family. When I lived out west I had a subscription to the symphony with a friend and I miss those times so much. I even have a symphony channel chosen in the car! On Saturday mornings, I turn up the stereo with upbeat music to get through my housecleaning with a bit of energy. On Sunday mornings, it’s more subdued and in the background as I read my paper and have an extra cup of tea. My house is quiet – after all, it’s just the dog and I, and I like it that way. Music doesn’t add noise, it adds feeling. It feeds something in my soul and it’s an attachment I hope to never lose.
Books are a bit like music to me. I cannot imagine life without them. I have so many books and particular authors I will loan out but always want back. I’ve been known to reread books even when I have a table full waiting in line to be read. Sometimes it’s a need to be with familiar characters and sometimes there’s something waiting to be rediscovered. I grow so attached to some characters that when the story comes to an end, I have a hard time saying good bye. I don’t feel like I get lost in the story as much as I feel the characters come into my life. I’m especially attached to characters passionate about their jobs, their values, and their talents. I enjoy historical novels and tales of intrigue and spies. I have, as I mentioned some favourite authors and I inhale everything they write and pre-purchase their new books. This is an attachment I want to maintain until the end.
And my third strong attachment in terms of entertainment relates to screens, both big and small. I eagerly anticipate new releases at the theatre and always look forward to an evening out watching a big blockbuster. But the small screen can really pull me in. I tend toward shows that are dramas and showcase people in positions of intensity that are forced to question their own integrity. Those characters have a passion that sometimes causes them to make stupid mistakes and I find myself caught up in their dilemmas. It can be hard for me to shut down and completely take a break so when I find a show that draws me in, I’m happy to have that attachment. Society seems to negatively judge spending time in front of a tv screen. I’ve always enjoyed an hour in the evening watching a good show, especially in the winter. It’s a time to slow down and relax and I enjoy it. I’m on my own and don’t feel I have to apologize to anyone for how I spend my down time. If you aren’t harming anyone, neither should you. [Of course, I am not talking about screen time for kids.]
Another attachment I have is to my goals. No matter how often I feel discouraged, I always have future goals. In some ways, those objectives have changed or rather been adjusted over the years. New opportunities to learn have arisen and have produced new plans. Ultimately, while the details may look differently over the years, I have never given up the drive for advancement. These days some of that drive is concentrated on the “after retirement” phase of life. I’m still searching to find passion in my work, and I know it will carry forward after I leave this company. I’ve had discussions with friends who think this striving for passion is a fantasy and that I should be content with doing a job well. Maybe they’re right and it’s a waste of energy but it doesn’t feel that way to me. As far as I can tell, it’s just part of who I am and I’m not sure that I want to lose it.
An attachment that isn’t perhaps as positive, is my attachment to certain opinions. I try to stay informed on topics of interest to me and to the world such as climate change, the COVID pandemic, and the war in Ukraine to name only a few. There are some topics that are not of great interest to me and that I know very little about. And then there are some for which I have very strong opinions. My sister and I often debate the use of labels, especially for children. I am against them as I’ve seen them used over and over as an excuse for poor behaviour or lack of motivation. However, she has taught me that a diagnosis, and therefore label, in the classroom is of great help to those staff supporting a child. I don’t know if I’ll ever get past my overall opinion about labels, but I keep trying to keep my mind open. I think there are many areas where we see people attaching themselves to opinions that are scientifically proven incorrect. I don’t remember this being such an issue in the past, although perhaps I just wasn’t aware. I see it as an issue that we (meaning society) are going to have to deal with more and more. I’ve mentioned before my concerns about the “power” that internet search engines have provided. People without any background in a subject area now consider themselves experts because they can find information on the internet. Without the specific expertise, we don’t know what is correct, what is incorrect, where there is missing critical information, etc. So that’s why I get concerned when I have an attachment to an opinion. I don’t want to get caught in a belief that has been proven wrong. I want to be able to grow in knowledge, not be limited by bias.
I want to end the blog on an uplifting note, so I’ll say that I have a great many attachments to people. I have wonderful family members that I keep in close contact with and some that I touch base with often. I have been blessed to have incredible friends throughout all of my life. Some of them I remain attached to and with some we’ve grown apart. What I think is great about friendship is, they are there when you need them and vice versa. It may be that some don’t need me right now or I don’t need them, but I know I’ll be there if they call. There are so many people I have met along my journey, and I feel a sense of attachment to all of them, even if we aren’t connected currently. Attachments are like many aspects of life. They come and go.
My beloved buffet, up close. It holds lots of things I’ve collected and gathered over the years. Where would I put all that I want to keep if I didn’t have it?
My beautiful, and big, dining table and chairs. Perhaps a smaller set would be better in this space.
Unfortunately, the picture on the left isn’t great quality and I don’t have a picture of the burgundy wall on which my painting also hung. What I love about this painting is how it looks a little different depending on the location, the lighting, and the wall colour. I’m very attached to it, especially since it always fits in whatever house I own.