Adulting…

As a child, being an adult looks like freedom. Freedom to make choices, to stay up late, to go places and do fun things. As an adult, being a child looks like freedom. Freedom to not pay bills, to not have huge responsibilities, to not worry about food on the table or a roof over your head. Those concerns rested with your parents, and it isn’t until adulthood that most of us start to understand that weight.

Now that I’ve been an adult for decades, I’ve learned a few things. One is, I have so much to learn! I find the older I get, the more I realize just how much I don’t know. I don’t remember that being a thought when I was younger. I really did think I knew a lot. I see it in my son. Even though he’s an adult, he still has that arrogance of youth – the “I’m smarter than you” attitude. Our younger generations have so much technology at their fingertips and I’m sure that’s part of their attitude. I know my generation uses technology a lot, but I don’t think we have the same tie to it. I certainly don’t. I do know though, that even without that technology, when I was my son’s age I felt I knew it all and couldn’t see that my parents, through the experience of living, knew far more than I gave them credit for.

Something else I’ve learned is that regrets are a waste of time. I’ve never been one to want to relive my childhood or youth. I wouldn’t want to live through the bad times again and honestly, I appreciate the memories of the good times in a way that I don’t need to go through them a second time. I don’t think it would be as much fun the second time around. Memories are wonderful pictures that our minds give us. It keeps people dear to us close in our hearts. The older I get the more I appreciate and cherish those memories. The past is made up by the choices I’ve made. No point in lamenting or regretting them – it won’t change a thing.

A third thing I’ve learned is that adulting never stops. There are always serious decisions and worries. Life doesn’t ever seem to “become” easy. I thought that perhaps when you’re retired and slow down from the “rat race” that life would be about what you want to do and less about what you have to do. I know from watching my mom that isn’t quite true. Certainly there is more time to engage in what interests you, but the responsibilities of everyday life don’t go away. If you are blessed in that way, you have children and grandchildren in your life. While they come with many joys, family always comes with some stress, too. You worry about their future and about the choices they are making. I’m starting to understand that worry is just a part of life.

Just before Easter we endured an ice storm. Our snow had been going down slowly, allowing a nice, even pace for the melt. My cellar had a few damp spots and a bit of water at one point, but all was looking good. Then some weird weather hit and “all hell broke loose”. Where I live we got freezing rain, rain, thunder, and lightning for seven hours. The temperature barely got above 0C. It was absolutely crazy! [You cannot tell me we don’t have climate change!] By the end of my workday, a few friends had lost power, but I was still in good shape. Even my cellar was holding up. The sump pumps [I have four!] were going regularly and everything seemed okay. By supper, that had changed. I now had standing water in the cellar, and it was rising. I have, hands down, the best neighbours. Once I asked for help they were there supporting me throughout the night. Long, agonizing, terrifying story cut short, I had to turn off the furnace at the emergency switch, we unplugged the freezer and I ended up losing it anyway. The water was well over my high-top rainboots. I changed clothes three times after venturing down into the cellar as we tried moving things and alleviating the rise to the best of our abilities. By 8pm, the water was getting close to the electrical panel. At 9 pm when the firefighters arrived to help pump me out, it was six inches below the panel.

I want to highlight a few things. As a child I would first go to my parents for help. I was taught that I could go to authority figures – a police officer, firefighter, etc. for help. As an adult, it feels like I have more and fewer options, at the same time. It would never have occurred to me to call 911. My neighbours, who were there for me throughout this, have been my go-to since they moved in, and I am so grateful that I can go to them. That night I was searching my brain for someone who would help. As an adult, I often feel that these are things I should already know. I called a plumber and thankfully, on a very busy night during a storm, they called back. Because of that call, I discovered that water was an issue around the village. Many houses were going through the same thing. The plumber told me to call Public Works. Because I did, I had a visit from one of our municipal workers who then got in touch with the fire department. The firefighters had been responding to calls for hours by that point. In a matter of minutes, I discovered I wasn’t alone.

My cellar wasn’t down to manageable water levels until noon the next day. By that time I was exhausted, emotionally and physically. I spent the night with my front door open to allow the fire hose out for emptying. The fire department left their pump in place for that whole time. Even five days later the water was still pumping out from my sumps.

Why am I sharing my terrible experience? Because one of the things I’ve learned as an adult is, the hard stuff is easier to bear when it’s shared. There were two things in my ice storm horror story that made all the difference. One was the fact that my neighbour was there throughout. The second was when the firefighters told me about all the other people in town they had been helping and how it wasn’t just me. It felt tangible. It felt like, even though I didn’t know those other people, the fire department linked us together and made it a village event. We were in this together. At one point there were seven firefighters in my house. They chatted, telling me things about the flooding and about the village in general. Slowly my anxiety level decreased and while I didn’t feel good, I knew that I was going to get through it.

So here I am, more than a week after the storm and life has returned to a semblance of normal. There were other messes from that storm including power outages, downed trees, and general cleanup required. Humans are resilient. We pick up and carry on. Even in the midst of the worst night, I found a sense of camaraderie and acceptance, that I don’t think is often available to us as children. This is an adult result of an awful experience.

Adulting isn’t all bad, though. There’s a lot of responsibility and accountability. But there’s a lot of fun, too. Sometimes you have to be reminded to invite both into your world. Something that impresses me about my son is his insistence to take the good along with the responsibilities in his life. When I look back, I think I helped instill that in him, but we definitely have different approaches. I would make sure we took advantage of free events, cheap activities (Tuesday night $2 bowling, for instance), and get out and do things. I remember once getting a call on a Canada Day years ago. It was a colleague concerned because I had taken that day off. He didn’t understand that getting time and a half pay wasn’t as important to me as spending the day with my son at celebrations. I still remember that phone call vividly.

My son continues those “traditions”, although he is more likely to go after what he wants, regardless of cost. He’ll plan a year in advance to attend an outdoor music festival or go on a trip or host a big Hallowe’en party. Sometimes the whole year is what he needs to be able to afford the tickets or the time off work or because he wants to decorate to the extreme. Whatever the reason, it brings him joy and something to anticipate. How awesome is that? Yes, he has the same adult worries as everyone else. Pay the rent, buy the groceries, clean the house, and on and on. But he doesn’t allow himself to get bogged down by that part of life. He uses it to do what he wants. I could learn a few things from him.

I spent a lot of this blog telling you about the latest and most awful water experience I’ve had in this house. It was one night and a few days of panic. In the course of a year, that’s barely 1%. In the course of my life, significantly less. It’s something that has a big impact, certainly. And it will drive some of my upcoming work and costs, as I try to find ways to mitigate the risk of it happening again. But it doesn’t have to be the only thing. The bigger takeaways? The feeling of community. The support of my neighbour and the fire department. The laughter that ensued while we talked and waited for the waters to recede.

Making sure I enjoy life is essential. How else can I keep getting up each morning? Disappointment and satisfaction make up the whole. There is no day without night, as the saying goes. It really is hard to appreciate the good without experiencing the bad. I’m trying to do that with each day. As terrifying as the ice storm experience was, I’ve learned a lot. Since my overall goal in life is to learn, I guess I’m a huge success! As I continue down the path toward retirement I’ve realized that I need to look less at a picture of retirement and more at the small events and activities I want to enjoy.

Imprint…

Great Expectations…

The Second Half

christine.mcauliffe@yahoo.ca