Reflections…

I believe strongly in the benefit of self-reflection. I think our calendars give us many opportunities to engage in yearly reflection. There’s New Year’s, anniversaries, birthdays, and life events such as moves or career advancements that allow us the occasion to consider the year past or our broader journey. This blog is a short and personal reflection of my last year.

I started a new job at the beginning of October last year so first and foremost that comes to my mind. It’s been a wild ride and now just over a year later I have a larger team whom I deeply admire and like. I hold a portfolio that is chaotic, busy, and ever-changing. A lot of colleagues think I’m crazy for wanting it but I’m thrilled to have the chance to do this work. I love being a people manager. I hope my team feels valued and appreciates my efforts. I think they do. I love the energy and the interest in our work which is exhibited daily by the team. So, hooray - this is a win!

On a challenging note is the reality that I will never achieve the level of career that I had placed as my goal. Most days I feel that I’ve accepted it and then something happens that reminds me it still plays a role in the back of my mind. The last year has allowed me a measure of autonomy for which I’m grateful. I am consciously choosing to look at that as my positive since I’ll probably end up retiring without promotion.

In the last year I have become closer to a cousin whom I consider a role model for her daughters and her colleagues. I’m thankful that I’ve had this time to learn more about her and connect with her on a deeper level. Her support and encouragement have been helpful through some tough times. There’s something very special about having someone in your corner.

When it comes to corners, mine is very full. Again this past year my mom has been there for me, time and again. She has so much to share - from her childhood to being our mom when we were young, to picking up and carrying forward after my parents’ divorce, to her long hours of studying while working and progressing into a great school principal, on to an active retirement and her support as mother, grandmother and great grandmother. She’s really quite extraordinary. The past year she has listened when I was down, boosted me when I needed it and been harsh when that was needed and I was forgetting all my blessings. She is a gift.

I have friends who once again filled my corner this past year. The friend who always has positive words for me, the one who is there to hold my hand and give me her shoulder, the one who shows up in my yard anytime I need an extra hand, the one who takes me away from the everyday and laughs and golfs with me and the one who, when she feels it’s necessary, raises her voice at me. There have been enough difficulties and loss in the last year that I’m surprised some of them are still with me. That’s friendship. That’s having someone’s back. That’s being in my corner for me and I’m so grateful.

When I reflect on my last year, the loss of my dearly loved uncle looms large. I haven’t been in my hometown in months and that didn’t happen while he lived. I think he would be a little disappointed that I’ve been “away”. I know he had no idea of the impact he had on my life and the lives of those who loved him. It’s been a hole that I’ve had a hard time filling. It seems that each family loss takes me around a year to process. I put that love, not away, but in a precious box in my heart and soul. I take it out, dust it off and look at it occasionally. My football team was in the playoffs for the first time since 2018. I felt both my uncle and my dad with me during their playoff game. It’s part of my way of honouring them in my current life and recognizing what they meant to me while here. I do it with all those that have gone before me that I knew and loved. I remember them at special times and events that hold a special connection.

Other losses have occurred in the last year. Some have been recent and I haven’t come to terms with them yet. I’m still trying to allow myself to grieve. I think an important thing that I do for myself is try to remember the really good things. Maybe it was a fun time or a great conversation or the feeling of love. It doesn’t take away the hurt but it helps. I don’t like good byes and permanent ones are all that much harder for me. I think the most important thing I can do is honour the loss by recognizing the place they hold in my heart.

This past year has also been about hard work in my home - in the yard! Some of the work was done by myself and some was contracted. All of it was my plan and represents the advancement of my vision. I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished and how it cements this as my home. I’ll share pictures at the end of the blog of my most recent change.

I returned to my Ireland this year. While a big undertaking for me (first time solo) it turned into the most perfect time. Far better than I expected, it was a trip home. I relaxed into a regular routine. I was healthy, really healthy for the first time in a few years. I felt good. I liked myself. I even took selfies! It didn’t feel like being a tourist - it was living and I will be forever grateful for giving myself the opportunity. I’ll be back and I expect it will be within my next year or close to it!

So, this past year has been filled with highlights and lowlights. That’s to be expected. Every year is, as long as we’re willing to see the positive along with the negative. My story is coming to a bend in the road soon and I’m excited and terrified. I hope in my next year I am able to put the positives to the front and learn from the negatives. I want to cry unhappy tears less often and celebrate the good times more often. I am going to plan something amazing for a year from now. I will learn and grow and prepare.

Hallowe’en in this village is incredible. This was my display for 2024. I had a total of 278 trick or treaters!

Demolition time! The two sheds that came with the property were great as holding facilities until I got settled. Unfortunately, the small one had a roof that would not have survived another winter and the large one was “the” party place for mice. Eek!

The new, fully enclosed shed! The yard looks significantly different now. More to come next week!