Recovery…
I haven’t written my blog in awhile. It’s not that I haven’t had ideas of topics. In fact, I have three blog topics ready to go. It’s because I’ve recognized that I’ve been in “recovery mode” for the last few weeks. When I think of recovery, I think of post surgery, after a loss, or in terms of the economy. Right now, a lot of the world is in a state of recovery. Socially we’re opening up more, as greater numbers are vaccinated. There is an acceptance that we cannot remain isolated forever. We’ve got rules to follow to minimize the impact of the virus and, it seems the majority of people are working hard to keep us from another lockdown.
My recovery was not easily perceptible to myself. I’ve been bogged down with so much, that I didn’t realize slowing down, taking steps to improve my mental and physical health, and putting aside the rush to renovate the house were all essential for me to move forward. But, I’ve been doing all of those things and I think they’re paying off.
The kitchen isn’t quite complete. Sigh…. On the horizon is the countertop installation - this week! I’m so excited to see the difference it makes to the whole picture AND I’m pretty tired of plywood, to be honest. There are a few smaller details still to be done: the hood fan to be installed, the door and screen door solution to be determined, the shelf above the sink, and a shelving unit for my cookbooks. So, even with the quartz, there will be a few things to complete the look. However, the countertops are going to have a huge impact on the space!
I generally operate at full speed most of the time. This past year and a half has required an adjustment to my top speed. I’ve felt the impact of isolation, increased work, and fear of the virus in ways I would not have expected. I haven’t been in person with my son for over two years now and for me, that’s the biggest and most awful impact. I decided to buy this house and move - another huge step into the unknown AND during a pandemic! I do yoga by Zoom, attend countless Teams meetings daily, try to listen to family and friends when they need an ear, and take advantage of the ears offered to me. On top of that I work from home, and for many months have put in nine and ten hour days and then wonder why I feel lousy a lot of the time. And at this time of my life when I can start thinking about the next chapter after this career, my body is going through it’s own changes, and I’m noticing significant advances to how I feel about topics and ideals. The world is a remarkably different place than when I was a child, and in a lot of ways, for the better.
I’m going to share what I’ve done to recover for the last month.
1)I stopped mentally beating myself up when I didn’t meet my own, self-imposed timelines. In the last couple of weeks I just couldn’t write. I had thoughts I wanted to share but I didn’t have the energy. [I didn’t think energy was going to be as big a requirement for blog writing as it’s turned out to be.]
2) I’m trying to stop racing for the finish line with the house. Something I learned during the kitchen reno was the need to be flexible, willing to change the plan. What’s interesting is for 17 years I was an air traffic controller. As a controller you have to be able to change dynamically, adjust, and make a new plan on your feet with little time to spare. When it came to the kitchen, I found it a little tougher than expected to re-do the floor plan or change the cabinet set up, etc. I think it’s because I was tying my feeling of “home” versus “house” to that remodeling. If it wasn’t going to be what I envisioned how was I ever going to feel comfortable? By the way, the truth is, I think time is a bigger element to making this a home than the kitchen is, and I’ll share that soon!
3) I went for help. I’m not going to share all the details, as those are quite personal but I will say that I reached out and went to a professional. After all, that’s why we have all those “support” professions. They wouldn’t exist if their services weren’t needed. In my case, I am learning how to better care for this body and this life which I consider to be gifts.
4) I became more mindful. Don’t misunderstand me - I’m not suddenly a different person. Not at all. I’m just learning to take a few minutes without distraction each and every day. I don’t believe mindfulness means you have to live in a Zen wonderland. I think by taking a few minutes (it could be five!) to just “be”, you give yourself the opportunity to see and experience the world around you with more clarity. In my case, I’ve been enjoying my porch, especially in the mornings, while it’s still dark. I get up very early as that’s what works best for “me” time. I sit out on the porch, while my kettle is on and just relax with my yoghurt. What I’ve noticed is I enjoy the yoghurt - the taste, the time spent eating it. It tastes better when I’m not rushing through it and I can hear the world as it comes awake. [I’ve just reread what I’ve written and it seems a little fairytale-ish to me. It’s a sensation that is difficult for me to explain. What I will say is that I feel better and I find that I’m not running through the first few minutes of my day. I can honestly say that before this, I don’t know if I was even tasting my yoghurt anymore!]
5) I decided to just “go with my wants” for a little while. That means when I wanted to paint my bedroom, I went ahead and did it. [Not sure I would suggest everyone make quick decisions! lol] Now, in the case of my room, I already had the paint and a basic plan. Instead of waiting to put the plan into action, I jumped. It meant I had to move out of said room, as everything has been pushed around and the bed is in the middle of the room with stuff all piled up against it. Thankfully, my spare room is across the hall and was ready for sleep! I have now put the second coat on the bedroom walls and will be developing the plan for parts two and three. I have some special intentions for that space and am so excited to see them come to fruition. In the case of parts two and three, I need at least one extra pair of hands, so will be awaiting help before I can complete them.
6) This is the final action that I’ve put into play: I’ve opened myself to new ideas. I’ve accepted that I needed time in the house before I could get a feel for the best function and ambience of each room. What I initially set up is changing and I’m excited about it. More to follow, hopefully in the near-ish future.
I hope as we slowly emerge from this pandemic, that you remember to take care of yourself. It isn’t always easy to think of ourselves as needing assistance. We often have an innate need to care for others and leave ourselves behind. Remember what they tell you onboard a flight during the safety demonstration: take care of yourself so that you can help others that have a need.
A new sign for above the love seat on my porch, courtesy of the creative talents of my mom and sister. The lights are on a timer and come on around dusk.
These pictures are from February, shortly after moving in. The bed linen is my fall/winter linen and will be back on the bed soon! I lighten it up in spring and summer with pastels. The walls were a greyish blue colour that really didn’t work for me.
This is the new colour for my bedroom. As you may guess, I’m not afraid of colour. Oh, the ugly greenish cabinet will be painted, too!