Perspective…
Do you look in the mirror and positively see yourself? So often I read that women are especially hard on themselves and in my case, I know this to be true. When I look in the mirror, I see the added weight, the bags under my eyes from stress, and the gray hair creeping in between hair appointments. I’ve noticed I’m rarely smiling when I look in the mirror and that has me wondering if I ever did. After all, I didn’t look in the mirror to look into myself (I do that more than enough with my introspective mind wanderings). I look into the mirror when brushing my hair or teeth or when putting on lipstick so maybe smiling isn’t a reflection that I need to see.
Years ago, I read that the mirror is a good place to put post positive notes. Remind yourself that you are worthy, that you are beautiful, and that you can do whatever you want to do. I don’t think that ever worked for me because my time in front of the mirror was very specific and had nothing to do beyond wondering “how I look” and if I’m okay to go out to the world 😊. The introspective look in the mirror has come in the last couple of years. When I look in the mirror now, I see the passing of time.
I love reading about or meeting people who embrace the passage of time; those who “wear” their age with gratitude and celebration. They have the right attitude and one that I admire. But it’s not really been me. Oh, it’s great that so-and-so has such a wonderful outlook. It’s awesome that she has decided to stop dying her hair and accept her grayness but it’s not me. I have to be me and I’m not giving up my hair dye anytime soon, let me tell you. But I can work at growing and improving myself and I should be open to trying to be a little more authentic, like those women whom I admire. Their perspective of themselves and the world is inspiring.
Perspective is interesting to me because it’s shaped by your own experiences, learning, and what you take from the world around you. I’m Catholic and at mass last night the priest’s homily spoke directly to me. It was about perspective – how we react to what happens “to” us, how we want to live, what we want from life. If you make it all about yourself, you’re bound to be disappointed. You’ll never have enough – the right level of career, the right house, the right amount of money. Because how can you possibly have a definition of “enough” to strive for? You don’t. It’s always one thing more. I realized I’ve been feeling very me-oriented lately. I’m not appreciated. I’m not valued. “They” don’t see my worth or my intelligence or whatever. Maybe the truth is simpler. Maybe it’s just time to live the best life I can and give more of myself to the world and demand less. Maybe happiness comes from that. I can say that the homily has made me pause and hopefully I can reflect on it and improve my own interactions with those around me.
I spoke to two long-time friends this weekend. Those talks gave me a renewed sense of comfort and peace. It was a reminder that those connections are far more important to my overall wellbeing than the stresses that I allow into my life. We’re all considering retirement or coming up to it quickly, and it’s time to put the focus where it needs to be. When you’re starting out in a career, it seems like retirement is so far off you don’t spend your time wondering what you will do with yourself when it comes. You spend your time finding your place. Well, as retirement gets closer, I’ve realized that it’s okay if your focus changes. It’s okay if your definition of success changes. It’s okay if you give up some of those aspirations that thirty years ago seemed essential to happiness. It’s okay to redefine yourself in a different space. As I talked with my friends I could hear that in my own words and in theirs. We’re still trying to find our way and improve ourselves and our lives. It’s just that now, the elements that define us are changing and that’s okay too.
Perspective impacts everything. Think about it. When you look at your house what do you see? Do you see a house that needs work? Are the flaws front and centre in your view? Do you see peeling paint, gutters that need emptying or fixing? Or do you see something more, something intangible. Something that makes your house a home?
With my house I see something that stands out from the rest of the block – it is yellow, after all! I see an opportunity. Yes, I notice some flaws but mostly I see the promise and potential. I’m still working to see it as my home, my place of refuge, comfort, and contentment. I’m starting to see myself in it, as the paint goes up and the renos get completed. There’s a sense of satisfaction to that. I’m starting to see how this journey is helping me as I plan my retirement.
As I’ve said, I love to decorate for the season or special occasion. These are two of my Irish towels - I started my decorating for St. Patrick’s Day a week early. I need some green in my life after the heavy snowfalls we got this week!
Bringing some Irish into the kitchen!
On Saturday evenings, I attend mass and then take myself out to dinner. On my way home last night, I stood in the middle of the road and snapped this picture. My perspective of my house last night was one of warmth and welcome, even in the midst of the latest snowfall.