Passion…
There are two quotes that showed up in my social media in the last month or so that have lodged themselves in my mind, to be recalled regularly. The first one, attributed to Simon Sinek is, “Working hard for something we don’t care about is called stress; working hard for something we love is called passion.” When I first read it, I found it spoke to me and answered some of what I’ve been feeling lately: a lot of stress and a lack of passion. However, as with many platitudes, I find this statement does not tell my whole story. Certainly, I have many instances where I’m doing something that I know has to be done and isn’t a favourite activity. I’ve been shoveling and raking out a lot of dirt for the last couple of months [and I am finally done!! Whoo hoo!!]. It’s something that needs to be done but not something that I love. Definitely not something I’m passionate about. It’s just another chore. Part of life is to do those things that have to be looked after, even when they don’t bring us a ton of joy. I think where this quote may resonate with many people, myself included, is the idea that working for the sake of a paycheque is not enough.
About a year ago I asked a friend if she was living her passion. She told me quite bluntly that life isn’t a fairy tale. She isn’t wrong. However, that wasn’t a good enough answer for me, so I asked the question of my mentor. His response was similar to my friend’s and I was disappointed. So, I did some internal “digging”. Why is passion important to me? The answers I came up with include where I’m at in my life – I can see the light of retirement at the end of a tunnel. It’s a little faint yet but I can see it. That’s a big piece of why I’m looking for my passion. [Retirement doesn’t equal death so I’m going to need to replace this career with something else. Something that brings happiness and keeps me engaged.] Another reason is that I have strong beliefs about a lot of things, and I can be intense (aka passionate) about people and causes. That fervour for life has been knocked back by the pandemic. I have always had an internal call to make things better, whether inside the organization I work for, or in the world around me. And don’t let that fool you – I will support causes and do the walking and the fundraising and whatever else is offered (dry February, anyone?) but I know myself well and I’m far from sainthood. I just have a passion to be part of a better world.
Passion is an interesting topic. When I look for passion, I see it in so many places. Reading a book or watching a movie, passion is often depicted with exaggerated energy. The characters don’t just fall in love, they fall madly in love and every encounter is one filled with deep and meaningful feeling. Characters don’t just have jobs; they’re called to their careers and they identify more with the career than anything else. Uh huh. Don’t get me wrong. I understand these depictions, but they aren’t lasting. You don’t wake up each morning and embrace everything you encounter. Mind you, if you do, I’m impressed. You must have quite a perspective of the world. In my little corner of the world, even when you are passionate about a person or a thing or a job or anything, you still have moments of unhappiness or disgruntlement. That’s far more natural in my opinion than being on a constant high.
Is passion always all-encompassing? Is it an all or nothing situation? I don’t think so. Since I moved into this house, I’ve been looking for joy and it’s like it’s just beyond my grasp. It’s almost like something is preventing me from feeling happy with this choice. Or maybe it’s something easier to define – a lack of energy is impacting me and spilling over into all areas of my life. And that seems to fit. That leads to the second quote that has popped up recently in my social media feed. Accredited to Alexander Den Heijer, “You often feel tired, not because you’ve done too much, but because you’ve done too little of what sparks a light in you.” To be perfectly honest, this is very true for me right now. When I think about the last twenty months, I’m shocked at the fact that I’m still standing. I still get up each morning and log into work. I still wash my laundry, do my dishes, do my yardwork, walk the dog, and try to keep up with everything. I do it but I don’t always derive satisfaction from it and that’s a loss. I used to take pride in accomplishing my weekend “to do” lists. Pre-pandemic I could complete those weekly chores, engage in extracurricular activities, cook, bake, and end my weekend looking forward to a new work week with new learning opportunities. Not so much these days.
So, what does that all mean in terms of the house (after all, I think that’s why you tune in)? It means it’s all taking longer than expected. It means I feel more stress when thinking about my plans and what I want to do with the house. It means I feel I’m even further from turning it into a home than I would have thought possible. It also means I’m hard on myself when I feel I’m lacking in productivity, interest, and passion. After all, why would I invest in this move if I’m not prepared to do the required work to make it successful? The truth is, I am prepared, and I am trying. The other truth is, I’m tired from this pandemic and not operating as efficiently or as enthusiastically as before the pandemic.
And it means that my friend is right. Life is not a fairy tale and you have to inject your own passion into it.
I love (hey, maybe am passionate about?) decorating for the seasons! This is my Autumn dining table.
Each Fall I bring my hibiscus in from outside. This one is loaded with buds getting ready to bloom!
Adding personal items is making the kitchen more “mine”. Barn door on the wall is a craft I bought and adapted for the new kitchen colours.
The kitchen door to the porch boasts a couple of signs I’ve had for years - they really seem to fit!
The sink wall is almost complete! Dishwasher is installed (small finishing piece still to come), tea area set up and operational, new hood fan installed (although not operational due to the rain that is keeping the contractor from cutting the hole to outside), and my newest shelf. This wood is also from the original pantry.
Remember my teeny washroom? The new lights and mirror are installed. What a difference! (There are still light switches to be changed!)
Getting the yard ready for Winter and putting up Christmas lights before the weather is too cold! All the dirt piles have been distributed and raked out! Phew!!