Opportunities…

I was thinking about disappointments and how I deal with them. We encounter disappointments in all areas of life; at least everyone I know does. It could be career-related: you’re passed over for a promotion or changes in the organization don’t align with your own goals. It could be personal: a relationship doesn’t work out or you fall away from a friend. It could be home-related: you plan a renovation or change in décor and it turns out the colours don’t work, or the floor plan isn’t functional as you had envisioned.

So, I was thinking about disappointments. I’ve had a few recently and they’ve been getting me down. In my normal, pre-pandemic world, I always allowed myself a little “wallowing time” before moving forward. And moving forward, I did. Always. Inevitably I would recognize that there was a silver lining to the disappointment. My approach has always been that I wasn’t meant to go down that path; whatever that path may be. Years ago, I had a fairly serious career disappointment. I ended up getting my master’s degree and I know if the career pathway hadn’t been closed to me, the degree would not have happened, when it happened.

When I was thinking about disappointment, I thought the perfect title for this blog would be just that: Disappointments. As I built it in my head (which I often do before I start writing), I realized I didn’t like the negative sound of the word. What is the right name to describe my musings?

Is the opposite of the word the appropriate title and theme for this blog? Is Satisfaction or Happiness a better title? It doesn’t work, from my perspective. The truth is, there are disappointments in life. And a bigger truth is what you do about those disappointments, in my opinion. It isn’t about (at least in terms of this blog) ignoring those disappointments or finding the areas where you are happy. [Those things are important. Even through disappointments, there are elements of life that bring satisfaction and joy.] For this topic, for me right now, it’s about getting something from the disappointment. I guess it’s about Opportunity.

Certainly, the house has been an example of that. I had a romanticized idea of what a century home is and what it would be like living in one. Now that I’ve been here for 11 months, I have a much more realistic view. I now know that a newly built house that is set up with a comparable floor plan might also suit me. It’s about the elements that form the home – the porch outside the kitchen, deep window sills, funky stair cases, a front sitting room and a back, cozy living room. Those are some of what appeal to me. The big yard is another aspect. Nowadays, unless you buy property and build, it can be difficult to find large yards. Our subdivisions are packed tight to get more houses and mixed housing into the space. I love the feeling of freedom that the extra room that I have, gives me.

What do you do when a disappointment happens? It’s pretty easy, especially in these times of pandemic isolation to feel overwhelmed, saddened, discouraged, and maybe even angry. Intellectually it’s not hard to tell yourself that you are lucky or blessed or should just be grateful for what you have. That can be an intellect-only exercise and doesn’t always move you beyond the disappointment. How do I turn it into an opportunity? My immediate go-to is “learning mode”. I often wonder what I can learn from the experience and sometimes it’s not a conscious choice of mine to ask that question. With my desire to be a life-long learner, it’s often just “there”. However, I would prefer to tackle it heads on and not subconsciously. I need to actively consider what I want to learn from this instead of a passive approach. How can I take “it” and make something out of it?

Maybe part of the essential learning that I crave is accepting that “it” wasn’t what I really wanted. What if I didn’t suffer the disappointment? What if the job or the relationship or the move had worked out? What if the result ends up being a move from one bad situation to another? That’s not positive. It might be better for a short time and then the bad might be worse and now, I’m really stuck. I guess what I’m thinking (and writing) is that I believe the disappointment might be meant to be. Or rather, not the feeling of disappointment but the result of not getting what you were after. Perhaps it can open up other options and perspectives if I allow it.

When it comes to this house, there have definitely been some disappointments. I mentioned before that a friend thought I should sell and get out. I didn’t obviously, and don’t really want to. If I’m not walking away, then I’d better start working to improve my relationship with the house. Christmas is a great time to do just that. It’s a chance to bring warmth and light to the outside and inside of the house. Bringing warmth is what I believe is a key element to change a house into a home.

And it’s not just the style of house or the colours you use, it’s also the location. It can be the neighbourhood within the town or city, or it could be the town or city itself. In my case, I moved (as I’ve written before) into a small village. It’s a village that draws tourists, especially in summer and for the holiday times of year. And it’s a village that does not shut down when those tourists depart. The restaurants and shops stay open, and the community supports them with themed restaurant nights, darts leagues at the pub, and by continuing to frequent the stores. There is a feeling to the place that is hard to describe. It’s the fact that people stop and speak to each other. There were two ladies out walking last weekend when I was outside. They not only stopped to chat (about my front step decorations) but they introduced themselves and asked my name. That’s the community feeling that reminds me of something from yesteryear that you can read about in a book.

At the beginning of December, the village held a tree lighting ceremony. As the planned time for the light-up arrived, the village churches started ringing their bells. It was heartwarming! You may smile and say your neighbourhood, town, city do the same and how wonderful is that! Or you may not have that sense of inclusion and may not be looking for it. For me, this is part of what turns this house into a home. It’s a feeling of welcome and of belonging.

I said recently to my mom that I’ve never really fit anywhere. It’s not said in a depressing manner; it’s simply my truth. I was smart and didn’t fit in with the “geniuses”; I competed in sports and was never a “jock”’; I had lots of friends who were “cool” and that was never me; I was a union member and not a diehard. I guess I’m hoping this turns out to be a place where I feel that I am accepted as I am, with my different approaches and perspectives.

I want every door to have a welcoming wreath at this time of year. Here is my driveway entrance.

Lighting up the driveway.

Even the kitchen entrance, slightly hidden by the porch has to have a wreath!

The view from the street of my side yard with the lights on.

Welcoming warmth from the lights on the front of the house.

Close up of the front entrance.

Evening walk through the village.

Near my house in the village.