Giving Thanks…
This blog has been difficult for me to write which is a surprise because I am all about gratitude and counting my blessings. Generally, I notice that I’m at my darkest when I forget to be thankful. I was hoping to write about my adventures during my trip away and when I realized it’s Thanksgiving weekend, changed course to “giving thanks”. There is a bit of a crossover though, as you will see below.
Each morning while I was away I consciously met the day with fresh air, gratitude for my life on this trip and with a greeting for my neighbours. I was in a cottage down a laneway bordered by fields of sheep. The air was crisp and most mornings were free of rain. I would throw a sweatshirt over my pjs, slip on my wellies and step out. A deep breath, followed by a greeting to each field of sheep, “Good morning, Ladies” and I felt good. I know that was the first step to feeling healthy and I am very aware that gratitude plays a role in health and happiness.
On social media we see a lot of posts that proclaim gratitude as the foundation for happiness. It’s hard for me to argue against this as I believe strongly in thankfulness. However, I do wonder if the multitude of posts and their messages don’t end up trivializing the importance of the blessings in our lives. The implication of these posts is that if you are grateful, then that’s what you need for happiness. Is it? I’m not sure in our current world whether it’s true or not. Our world is filled with a lot of “anti-gratitude”. There seems to be so much dissent and hatred and turmoil. When I look at the news, I wonder how someone can dislike someone they don’t know based on colour or religion or the words of a leader. We’ve stepped away from anything spiritual and replaced it with a purely secular outlook which seems bereft of compassion. It also points me to a question about mental health. Is it poor mental health that opens up our world to all of this hatred? Mental health is deteriorating and that’s the rationale I came up with for what I see in the turmoil of our world.
When I was younger (even back only ten years or so) we didn’t hear much about mental health like we do now. There are reasons for it (and I’m not an expert), including the decades of hiding those with mental illness and the hiding by those suffering. There’s been a dismissal of the impact of that suffering on those experiencing it and their friends and family. I know I can’t do the topic justice but over the last decade I think we are finally beginning to understand the importance of taking care of all parts of our health - physical, spiritual and mental.
Why am I discussing such a serious topic in a blog about giving thanks? Well I wonder how I, as a regular person, can help support people who are struggling with serious mental issues. I recognize that social media posts create a world of perfection. Even while away, I would post pictures from my daily adventures. Did they show the truth? Yes, I shared images that I took while visiting different areas. Did they show the full truth of my time away? Of course not. For one thing the scope of one of my days was too big to share. Secondly, some of it was boring, so that doesn’t get shared. And third, people only want to see the “fun” or “exciting” moments. When social media is full of the “best” along with these messages of “if you are grateful, then you will be happy” it is portraying an impossible world. Life isn’t all happiness and sunshine. Truthfully, I don’t think it should be. The good shines even stronger because of the bad. We appreciate the great things in life because we see or know or experience the hard times. But in a world dominated by quick, 30 second images are we creating an expectation of life that isn’t possible? Does that make feeling grateful all the harder for those who are struggling? Are we not only showing the ugly side of life (wars, environmental disasters, hatred, etc.) but projecting an impossible goal? And if we’re doing that, how do we push the idea of gratitude?
I know that social media can present a false picture but I wonder if it’s any different than other media. When I was growing up it was television shows and movies where everything works outperfectly in the end. It was books where the princess always gets the prince. This isn’t a treatise on social media but it’s a comment about it’s impact. It’s out there in a way that books and television and movies were not when I was growing up. I’m grateful for the connections that social media platforms provide to me. I’m able to see my family and friends as their families grow. There are plenty of opportunities to engage or learn from leaders around the world. I’m thankful for that. Maybe it’s just something to keep in mind when posting or reading others’ posts - we are impacting people even if we don’t see it.
I’m going to go off on a tangent for a minute. I am filled with thanks for so many blessings in my life and I need to share that. I am grateful for so many people in my life. I won’t even try to name them all here but I’ll highlight a few situations. I have a mom who supports me unconditionally. She is always available to provide input, to prop me up, to love me and to tell me when I’m out of line. My neighbour looked after my house while I was gone, helped me put in and yesterday take out my pool steps, is always there for me when I need a question answered and I can go on and on. I have friends who are incredible. During my dark times they both lift me up and give me a kick when it’s called for. They listen, they support and they love me, quirkiness and all. I have family who I have no doubt would be there anytime I call and who can ask for more? My son is my everything and while we don’t always agree, he is always one text or call away. I have a job that pays me well. I have a team that is amazing - they are so much fun and work so hard. I have colleagues that I can reach out to with questions or just to chat. Not everyone can say that and it increases my gratitude to know I have it. I have an interesting house that I continue to work on with personal and financial strength for which I’m grateful. I have met so many interesting people with whom I stay connected and to whom I can go for information and support. Basically, my life is filled with blessings. I mention this because I do believe it’s critical to reflect on all of the good in our lives.
Back to my question - how can I support someone who is unable to see the blessings in life? I don’t believe being any less cognizant of my own is appropriate, so what should I do? Well, I’m not an expert so I always strongly suggest professional help. We have people in our communities who are knowledgeable and available to provide that medical support. As a friend once said to me, it may take a while to find the right counsellor, but they’re out there and as long as you keep looking, you keep living. What else can I do? Listen. This is a really tough one. We seem to barely have time in our own lives to get everything done and I’m saying we need to find more time. A few months ago I had a situation that impacted me severely. A very good friend talked me through it. We do that for each other. The thing that still stands out to me is that, unbeknownst to me at the time, he quietly cancelled his morning meetings so that he could be there for me. The words he said, the fact that I could “cry it out” were really important but the biggest thing he did was gave me the time I needed. That’s what I want to give to others.My third idea has taken a while to surface. My instinct is to point out a person’s blessings to them. “You have this in your life.” “Think about this or this person and how important they are to you and you are to them.” That sort of thing. Maybe it’s not the right thing to do. Maybe it’s a question to the person. “Is there anything that you are grateful for or about?” I can try to be there for them as they sort through the goodness that they have and perhaps aren’t always able to see. At the core, though, serious issues need to be dealt with professionally but perhaps I can be a person who can both be compassionate and be someone worth looking up to. If I show my gratitude for what I have, without flaunting my “riches”, maybe I can help them appreciate something in their own lives. The truth is, I can only be me but I can be the best me possible. I can pray and send as much positivity to others as possible. I can support and encourage. I can even be grateful that I am able to do those things.
I guess at the end of the day, I just want to remember my blessings and try to be one for others. On this Thanksgiving weekend, I am enjoying the company of my mom and niece. The house is filled with noise and joy. We will have a wonderful turkey dinner with all the fixings. We will enjoy each other’s company and, when life returns to normal, appreciate our own space and quiet. I am grateful for my trip filled with peace, gratitude, positivity and health. This life is a gift. I believe the gift is from God and I need to respect and share it. I hope if you’re in trouble, you reach out for help. If you are doing well, I hope you share some of your blessings with others.
My neighbours, the "ladies".
Grateful for the number of opportunities I had while in Ireland to quietly reflect and pray.
Thankful for beautiful and thought-provoking scenes while in Ireland.
A beautiful sight on a perfect Thanksgiving weekend.